Hmmm, those two things aren't connected, actually. The different kind of bed failure is that while I am safely ensconced in my room writing this journal entry, poor Stewart is upstairs with his children trying to put them to bed (my sister is at band practice). The boys are not cooperating. I have no idea what happened, but Griffin had to get a time out, it sounds like, and now he's screaming bloody murder about it. "NOOOO!" And it sounds like at the same time, Max is crying (though not screaming) about something else. Ah, the joys of parenthood that await me one of these days!

Seriously, though, between being a teacher for all those different age groups and living with my nephews for a year, I feel like I'm a lot better prepared to eventually be a parent -- I'm so grateful for the practice!

Speaking of the possibility of being a parent someday, I am feeling extremely relieved and also kind of sad because today my ex and I signed our final court-ready divorce documents (including getting them notarized), and I was able to turn them in to Divorce Helpline, the excellent keep-you-out-of-court-during-your-divorce service in Santa Cruz, before they closed today at 5:00. So what that means, in real terms, is that the Marital Settlement Agreement contract is all done and signed and all the other documents are all done and signed, and now Divorce Helpline (I'd put a link, but I don't know how to do that yet -- they're at www.divorcehelp.com) ...uh, where was I? (Have I mentioned that I'm now in an altered state of sorts?) Oh yeah, DH will, hopefully early next week, submit all those docs to the Santa Clara County Superior Court, and sometime in the next several weeks (probably 2-3, though one person said 8-12, grrr), a judge will make a judgment (basically stamping our papers), and I will be officially divorced.

It's hard because my ex didn't want me to leave, but it was really the right thing to do. And I know it was the right choice for me, and I believe for him too, at least in the long run. But it's still hard. There's so much sorrow and grief and also relief and some hallelujah joy too. Maybe tonight I'll finally sleep WELL. I've been having a lot of dreams about it lately. I know there's stuff I'm still processing, and will continue to process. But at least now I know I've done everything I have to do, and he's done everything he has to do, and now it's just waiting for the last thing to arrive in the mail.

I also thought I'd feel like it was more done than I feel right now. I'm planning a birthday reclamation (I left on my birthday last year) and divorce party for mid-July, and I'll still have it even if the judgment hasn't come through yet, but I really hope it comes before that. But that's six weeks away, so with luck... it'll all work out.

Okay, I'm going to go call my mom now.

And, it sounds like things have quieted down upstairs, so whatever it was must be over. Whew.