I spent the night Christmas Eve over at my sister and Stewart's so that I could wake up there Christmas morning and celebrate with them. The boys were absolutely darling (big surprise), and we managed to eat breakfast before we all started completely losing it from low blood sugar. And then I went with them to Stewart's folks house in Palo Alto for Xmas dinner, which was lovely. The whole E. clan was there, plus Jed. Y'know, my sister did a fabulous thing when she married into that family. I mean, they're all crazy as loons (unlike my family, ahem), but almost always in the nicest way. Really, they're a wonderful family and I'm so glad to be an extension of it. I got to have a nice visit with Tad and Deb and Deb's mom Hazel, who is in California for a few months.

All the kids were super cute, but especially Ray (who is two and a half and has recently started talking up a STORM). When his six year old cousin Devon very sweetly told him that he couldn't have that pile of presents that were for other people, he looked at her and said in his darling two-and-a-half-year-old voice, "But I ownsome of those. I own some of those presents." Upon which statement Devon promptly handed him the top present on the pile, never mind the fact that it was addressed to his Grandma.

And tonight, my mom arrived in town, which is also fabulous.

I left my menorah and Hannukah candles over at my sister's, and we didn't light the candles tonight. I'm way more into it than she is, but she said she would like to do it if I did it with her. The boys didn't get home until quite late, though, and went straight to bed. I thought they'd be upset if they found out we lit candles without them. But I meant to bring them home so I could light them in my apartment.

I lit the first night's candle last night, and was surprised at how good it felt to do. I was all by myself, but it was still very homey. I'm not at all religious, and I know the song I sing as I light the candles is a prayer, but I think that's okay. I feel connected to my childhood and to my grandparents when I light the Hannukah candles. I feel like my home is really my home. I have a menorah my dad gave me, and it's hard for me tonight not having lit the candles. It wasn't so strange last year when we missed a night. And I know missing a night wasn't unusual when I was a kid, but I feel a little sense of loss at not having candles to light tonight. I sang the prayer anyway, but I don't have anything to light that would substitute for candles.

I really don't know why I feel a little sad about it. But I do.

Well, even though we're going to music tomorrow night, I'm going to make an effort to light candles wherever we go.