For the second consecutive Thanksgiving, I have to give thanks for being alive. Not just in general, but because I was nearly killed the day before (again).

While driving from Maryland to Pittsburgh, I had the pleasure of not being able to see the roads at times due to blinding snow, and then there was the time a semi swerved into my lane out of the blue, making me in turn swerve wildly out of the lane when his wheels were 6 inches away from the front of my car. Luckily there was no one to my right. I hate truckers. I saw this one's license plate number. I am going to kill him.

There's nothing quite like driving home for the holidays. At some point you will inevitably run into a seemingly endless line of red brake lights ahead of you. There is seemingly no reason for the slowdown. But there is. Fourteen and a half miles ahead, Mr. Magoo is trying to pass the lady who always plays the grandmother in Adam Sandler movies (you know the one).

Other than that it was a pleasant drive. As you pass DC, you can experience the sensation of wildly speeding next to cops who don't give a damn how fast you're going. I liken it a bit to canoeing next to a humpback whale. You know it can turn on you at any moment, but my god, what a sight. (To be safe, I normally harpoon humpbacks upon sight. That's a tip. Write it down.)

Allright, really, I'm happy to be here. Have a good Thanksgiving weekend, jerks.