Scott McClellan, a man of integrity
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It was with heavy hearts that we all watched Scott McClellan resign as White House press secretary. Cry not, however, for the best years still lie ahead for the 38-year-old McClellan, or "Mr. Truthsayer," as he is often referred to.
Where will the future lead this beacon of hope; this man who has kept us so well-informed of how well everything has been going and how constitutionally sound the Bush Administration has been for the past few years? Well, while it would be "wild speculation" for me to try to guess, I'm the "decider" and I'll decide to speculate wildly in this blog.
So, without further ado, here is how I see things going for McClellan in the next few years:
Late 2006: Always a man of integrity, McClellan decides to travel to Iraq to tell all the stories that he criticized the media for not reporting. Within weeks, he comes up with some great, uplifting tales, like that of locals who invested heavily in Halliburton. He also spends several days on the set of "IED my ride," a popular program featuring the always charasmatic "al-Quiddac."
Early 2007: With things going so well in Iraq, McClellan decides to venture into Iran to see how the locals are coping with nuclear winter. "Progress is being made" he tells his FOX News audience from Tehran. "Gas prices should dip back below $8 a gallon within the year." McClellan again seeks out heart-warming stories, including a feature story on an extra-friendly dose of friendly fire.
Spring 2008: Troubled by racism at home, McClellan uses truth and reasoning to make the KKK see the folly of their ways. "As a former member of the Bush Administration, helping minorities has always been one of my top priorities," he says. He is rewarded by being named an honorary pope.
Summer 2008: Webster's dictionary changes the definitions of "honest," "candid," and "hero" to "see McClellan, Scott."
Fall 2008: McClellan falls victim to a stray shot from Dick Cheney, commanding an Abrams tank to hunt juvenile albino giraffes on safari. Eight African villages are also destroyed. "All I know is I'd rather be hunting with Dick Cheney than be riding in a car with Ted Kennedy," the priest says during the eulogy.
Allright, so maybe McClellan's best years aren't ahead of him. Hell, what do I know. I'm going to go listen to my John Ashcroft records.
Where will the future lead this beacon of hope; this man who has kept us so well-informed of how well everything has been going and how constitutionally sound the Bush Administration has been for the past few years? Well, while it would be "wild speculation" for me to try to guess, I'm the "decider" and I'll decide to speculate wildly in this blog.
So, without further ado, here is how I see things going for McClellan in the next few years:
Late 2006: Always a man of integrity, McClellan decides to travel to Iraq to tell all the stories that he criticized the media for not reporting. Within weeks, he comes up with some great, uplifting tales, like that of locals who invested heavily in Halliburton. He also spends several days on the set of "IED my ride," a popular program featuring the always charasmatic "al-Quiddac."
Early 2007: With things going so well in Iraq, McClellan decides to venture into Iran to see how the locals are coping with nuclear winter. "Progress is being made" he tells his FOX News audience from Tehran. "Gas prices should dip back below $8 a gallon within the year." McClellan again seeks out heart-warming stories, including a feature story on an extra-friendly dose of friendly fire.
Spring 2008: Troubled by racism at home, McClellan uses truth and reasoning to make the KKK see the folly of their ways. "As a former member of the Bush Administration, helping minorities has always been one of my top priorities," he says. He is rewarded by being named an honorary pope.
Summer 2008: Webster's dictionary changes the definitions of "honest," "candid," and "hero" to "see McClellan, Scott."
Fall 2008: McClellan falls victim to a stray shot from Dick Cheney, commanding an Abrams tank to hunt juvenile albino giraffes on safari. Eight African villages are also destroyed. "All I know is I'd rather be hunting with Dick Cheney than be riding in a car with Ted Kennedy," the priest says during the eulogy.
Allright, so maybe McClellan's best years aren't ahead of him. Hell, what do I know. I'm going to go listen to my John Ashcroft records.
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