WASHINGTON - Following the release of the Iraq Study Group report, Congress has voted in favor of a major policy change - sending both Rambo and Commando* to Iraq.

The move follows a report which outlined plans for a potential troop withdrawal through increased diplomacy.

"Fuck diplomacy," said John Warner, R-Va. "The only question is why we didn't send these two bad asses in sooner."

Gen. Colin Powell (Ret.) agreed.

"Have you fucking seen any of the Rambo documentaries?" he asked. "He takes out whole armies with a crossbow. Unfortunately, I'd heard he was busy with a boxing career lately. My understanding is, though, that he will be available after this Christmas season."

High-ranking military figures said the move should allow for large-scale troop withdrawals - ordinary troops will no longer be necessary with the two war machines in Iraq.

Congress contemplated sending Col. William F. Guile** in as well, but decided that would be overkill.

"Come on," Vice President Dick Cheney said. "There wouldn't have been any sport to that."


*A.K.A. John Matrix, as portrayed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
**Jean Claude Van Damme in Street Fighter