Hi.. Well Im doing better than I was.. Im still a little sad.. Thomas hasnt warmed back up to me.. And I dont really like that... But I guess Ill get over it... Ive learned a valuable lesson today... That In order not to get hurt I have to put up barriers... I really love them all they feel like family to me... (If Thomas was my age Id probably love him in a different way) I really felt horrible to see that I didnt do anything and yet he was being so stand offish it was sad because we had gotten really close... I just hope that one day they'll love me like they used to and I guess until then Ill just have to get over it... Well Im starting to think That Matt is over me he probably realized Im am a crazy bitch... Not that he isnt... I guess I just saw a lot of me in him and thought that maybe we could hit it off. But I guess not... I guess Im going to London alone... Gosh tha tears start falling down... I really do wish that my mom had just aborted me sometimes. Who really would want their kid brought up in a world like today... I LOVE and I dont want to because love means pain and thats not good, Im tired of feeling pain... Well I guess Ill go goodnight Talk to you all either later on tonight or in the morning..