why am I not able to sleep
Why cant I eat.
Why does it seem everytime I laugh I start to cry.
Why do I feel so empty.
Why do I feel so alone
I feel like Im lost. I brought it upon myself.
There are plenty of people that would love to be with me, but I dont know right now, I feel so confused. How should I act to this, I wanted to fulfill these plans. I want to just forget how bad this hurts. I guess I deserve what I get but I cant help but hate myself a little more everyday. We had plans to leave to get away from this place. I knew that even though I was only fifteen, I would be willing to go with him anywhere he wanted. God just please make it all go away. Make the big erase button of time take back all things that have happened. Make it so I didnt cross his path. Make it so I dont have to hurt him. Make it so I dont have to hurt myself. But I am already dead, and gone and there are only the forgotten feelings and lost memories to live off of. I feel dead, I feel no physical pain, the emotional pain is enough to make me go crazy. If I could take back everything and make it better I would. I wish I could really end my life in a faster way. I just have no courage, and I want to feel the pain, I want to remember all the pain Ive caused and All the things Ive done. One of my earliest memories is when I was little, I was about five or six and my parents were fighting and I got in the middle, I remember trying to protect my mother and getting things thrown at me, I remember praying at night maybe if god would take me away to a better place maybe things would be better. And over time I discovered that if there were a god, Why would he cause two people to hate each other so much. I guess this is almost the same feeling, that endless pain that wont go away. I miss him so much right now, I never stopped missing him, I never hated him, I was afraid. And sometimes when people get afraid they try to run away from their problems. I always said I never regretted a thing Ive ever done but god I think there is finally one thing that Ive done that I regretted. I hope he has a wonderful life and I want the next girl he falls in love with to be someone special and maybe she wont hurt him so bad...