Finally I had an epiphany, I guess thats not really surprising. Seeing as I seek so deeply to find answers that not many take the time to realize. Dwelling on the unknown and suffering from the anger that these feelings pursue for within.And suddenly I realized
I'm selfish.
, we're selfish and the world is dominated by people who look out for their own self interest. Even the most pure and generous person only does so because of the feeling that they have for doing these things. But through this I realize that I genuinely hate the trait that all humans are burdoned with.
Confusion.
I don't understand why we indulge ourselves with things that ruin our bodies and ultimately kill ourselves through all of our selfinterest. And in doing so aren't we going against the word that God has given us? (if there is one) Religion (being the christain bible) though not directly stated, states that indulgence in excession is a sin. So are we not sinning by merely living, in an imperfect world full of our own Self interest?
Wait.
So was not God setting us up for ultimate failure, by using his own name as an Idol for our personal use and value, allowing us to indulge in our failures and praying to forgive that which we know is wrong? So does that mean he predestined our fate in failure before we had made original sin? And if so does that make God, out for his own selfinterest. Seeing as we see God in our own Vision.
So.....
Does that make God, ultimately Satan; one in the same? Seeing as we in ourselves are capable of both good and evil. Good being that which we do to affect others, and Evil that which we indulge in to feed our desires.
Ultimately...
I believe that we created this balance out of human fear by doing things that affect us either negetively or positively and praying for repentance dealing our own physical and mental greed.
Subconciously
I hate that I'm given this ability to think and dissect things in which I can't fully conceive. Because though I state these things I'm closed to the idea that maybe though we're given the ablility to feel this way for a reason. Making me ignorant to the things that I refuse to understand.
What if......
Thats the question that constantly haunts my mind because I don't understand why?.... why? do we only care for ourselves. Why? Is there no sense of true selflessness, without the self satisfaction that is given... So I guess I'll constantly suffer from that which I don't understand. Running these thoughts that I've had for years. And by talking about myself... I'm being selfish.... I'm selfish in my selfishness for hating this ability of being self serving.