Its like living in a sea of thoughts and emotions that I can never let out, as much as I would like to, I can never allow anyone else to know. Its as if I have some great and terrible secret that I can never let go, in fear of losing the one thing that makes me interesting, losing the one thing that is closest to my heart, and mind, the one thing that binds what I am and what makes me who I am; me. The internal me, the one that no one will ever really know, because what would I be if I allowed everyone else in. I would be a shell, an empty and utterly useless caricature of a human being. And yet if I never allow Anyone else in, wouldn't I then also be an empty and useless shell of a human being because I would be so absorbed with the emotions within that I would never allow anyone else to see how much potential I have, the feelings that I burrow within my heart, the thoughts that could further advance human life as it is.

How do you break away from this; the fear of never loving, and loving so much that it may destroy your inner being. The fear that life will never be fulfilling for fear of failure, therefore allowing yourself to fail in fear that you will fail.

I feel like I keep repeating everything in my life, and as much as I would like to move on; I keep finding myself falling back into the same routine of things. How can one be happy if they anticipate the moment that everything will fall apart. Therefore setting myself up for failure, and then automatically failing for not allowing yourself to further better myself. I guess that's how the world turns; throughout every event that has happened in our culture, we have repeated, because we allow it. We are comfortable with being primitive, violent creatures. because we fear improvement, because we don't want to fail.

But throughout failing my biggest fear that weighs heavily on my heart, is failure.