A way that I can feel, and think freely again, its like my moods have stabalized a bit, but I can't think very well anymore. I feel ignorant because It feels like I have forgotten all of the knowledge I've learned. I don't want to be stupid anymore, I want to open my heart and soul. And if I have to feel all the pain in the world to experience this, then thats a risk I feel that I have to take. Sometimes I just want to wake up dead, I know that sounds pathetic, I don't want to be pathetic; but I want to be able to understand everything the world has to offer, I want to learn everything that has ever been put out there. I want to learn everything about everything. I guess in a way I want to be perfect. I know that's unattainable, but I feel this way.