So I think that I realized my passion again today at 2:55 in the morning; I was watching a show about people who lost everything, because they gave everything up in the sake of music. How its really ultimately the death of these people. So it hit me; would I do the same thing in the name of my music.
The scary thing is I don't think I would have a second thought; I already have most of the same problems. Come on, thats the reason musicians are talented because they thrive on the things that others can relate to.
If I was given the choice to sell my soul for true genuine talent; I would take it graciously, because I don't feel like I use much of my soul anyway. And lets face it, everyone could use an extra boost of talent now and again; and with that could I add a side of confidence, instead of empty self-hate laden narcissism.
Is that sad, that I would love something so much, that I would give my soul for it. I know that i'm only just above average, I'm original and thats the only good thing I can really say about myself. In what I do, I don't care about becoming something, doing something with it; what I care about is that I really love this; I can put everything into it; and it might give me something back then again it might not.
Right now I'm just at a stand still in life, where I really don't know where I'm at or what I want. I know that I want to become something, and go somewhere because I believe that for every follower there is a leader, and that's what I was born to do. I don't know what that might be...but I'm not that scared because I know that I am driven enough and though I might not be the most stable person in the world I have passion and thats what drives me. Right now I guess I'll just live in this state and try to see what gives me the next fix ha ha.... Damn this no sleeping thing is driving me insane! I've got to learn how to do it; because I'm compensating not sleeping, with no eating, therefore I just feel wired and its not the most amazing feeling in the world.
For now, I just need new guitar strings cause I popped my high "E" cause I'm a dumb ass and overtuned new strings, that hadn't had time to stretch. And were too light for my style anyway.



What I think this all comes down to is that humans are very addicted beings, we will do anything in the sake of that high, whatever it may be. We all try to go to the next thing that is going to lift you up and make you feel better; some ways are obviously better than others and no I don't mean drugs; thats only one way.... PEACE FOR NOW!