I’m supposed to be writing the introduction for my Note right now, the Note which has taken over my life. I love working on the damned thing, but it’s the researching that I love. I’m not really all about the writing. I always seem to put that part off until the last possible moment, then write furiously through the final hours and wish to hell I’d started earlier. I’ve got to turn in a rough draft on Monday, so I’m guessing that tomorrow at about four in the afternoon I’ll finally start making real progress.

If my life has done one thing consistently in the last few months, it has kept changing. I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t written much here since I started school last year. I suppose, though, I haven’t written much since I got involved with Aud. Not sure why that is… And of course every time I start writing, I lose interest and abandon all entries. I really don’t like the writing…

There is no possible way that I could catch this thing up in one entry, so I guess I’ll just start with this weekend. I stayed in last night (for the fourth weekend in a row, I proudly mention) to get some “work” done…I seem to go off on little research tangents that lead me to start researching the “next” article I plan on writing. I’ve got about two dozen “next” articles in the planning stages. And no…I don’t expect that I’ll ever finish a single one. I do, however, make great conversation these days. I’m full of useless and appalling information. I had some pasta with my guy earlier that night, and he went out with his pals before coming over to crash with me.

This morning we woke up, and I sent Aud for a walk with the dogs so that I could shower and get ready so that we could race back to his place so that HE could shower and get ready and… See, now this is a perfect place for me to explain how I feel about all of this “racing back.” Every time I start a sentence with “this morning we woke up” I end up listing a ridiculous laundry list of things involving running from my place to his place to my place to walk the dogs to his place to feed the cats to my house to get my books… That’s the stuff I don’t like. This morning’s running around, however, had to do with the two of us trying to look presentable for the appointments that Aud scheduled for us to look at places to live. Yes, I have goosebumps at the very thought of it…

He asked me to live with him a few weeks (or was it months?) ago, but he is a very deliberate sort of guy. Our search started with mortgage approvals and arguments about brick versus vinyl and Lakewood versus Cleveland. Talks about saving money soon followed and I, unable to save a cent, gave up hope that “living together” would ever actually happen. Sure, I know we both really wanted to, but in some ways it was just easier to keep things as they were. Of course, a shooting here and a bloody sidewalk there didn’t help matters. There seems to be a lot of…unrest, to put it lightly…in my ‘hood.

Finally, after a few tantrums, guilt trips, and the sort of bribery that is the best weapon of all for most women, I finally broke him down and convinced him that we should just rent a place. “It’s easier!” I screeched. “No responsibility for repairs! No property taxes! We can buy a house next year! We might not even STAY in Cleveland when I’m done with school!” He caved, and then the hunt began. I use the term “hunt” with a touch of sarcasm. I, in a fit of irrationality, decided to take on a job this semester. The hours and the school work are killing me. The “hunt” for a place to live was left to a sailor at the second half of the racing season. You see how this could end up, yes? There was no hunting actually taking place. There was an occasionally driving by a place with a “For Rent” sign and a random phone call here or there. Tuesday I had a fit about wanting to move and put Aud on the case, and so the appointments began today…

So after racing to Aud’s place so that he could get all pretty, we grabbed coffee and headed to the first place on the agenda. After seeing that first place, I should have foreseen today’s events. We looked at a five…FIVE…bedroom duplex in Lakewood. The place was decent, but not in great shape. There was painting to be done. Four little kids lived on the other half of the house, and their crap filled the entire shared yard. We both knew that we would never even go up to the third floor of the house for anything. What were two people going to do with a five bedroom house, anyway? That’s what…a bedroom for us, a guest bedroom, a study, and…a bedroom for the dogs? And one for my…books? Heating the whole thing wouldn’t have been cheap either.

Yet…we were both practically jumping up and down at the prospect of living there! A house that was completely…inappropriate for us…and there we were, whispering excitedly in the basement while the landlady went out to her car to get us an application. We eventually dragged ourselves away from her fully intending, I think, to take the house. But we had another appointment at a place that we knew was out of our league. So we headed to the Warehouse District downtown to look at one of the beautiful old buildings that I’ve always dreamt about living in but knew that I would never be able to afford it because, well, the Warehouse District is one of the priciest places you can live in the city.

The apartment we looked at was in an old grocery warehouse built in the late nineteenth century and has all of its original wood and brick. There are large wooden and iron carts in the lobby that were used by the workers to move the groceries. The building is so beautiful…and we both fell in love it. By the time the elevator took us to the tenth floor we were practically screaming. The apartment was just…perfect. The view is amazing. They’ll let me have dogs. We live right by the only market downtown (with a huge wine selection, I noticed). We can see the river, we’ll hear the concerts in the summer, we’ll both be able to walk everywhere we need to go, and we can get rid of a car…

And…yeah…it’s way more than we should spend. WAY. MORE. But…well…I finally saw, today, what happens when Aud gets all impulsive. So now it looks like I’ll be living in a beautiful old warehouse. After we paid our deposit, I tried to calm myself down with a lunchtime cider (my fourth drink in four weeks, I must say) and the excitement has finally worn off. Now I’m just completely freakin’ terrified. TERRIFIED! What if I can’t pay my share? What if the dogs get sick and there’s no grass for them to eat and they refuse to eat the wheat grass that I bought from the health food store? What if I can’t deal with the cats and I can’t breathe? Then there’s the other stuff…the living with a guy again stuff. What if it’s a complete nightmare? What if we can’t stand being around each other all the time? What if I need to go somewhere and he has the car? What if I can’t learn how to drive a stick and total his car?

The cider did not help.

We’re moving in December first. My terror is fusing with my excitement. I’m looking forward to Saturday mornings where we can loll in bed, walk the dogs together, pick up coffee and a newspaper next door. I want to know what it will be like to *live* downtown on Christmas, on New Years’ Eve, on Saint Patrick’s Day… I want to lay on the roof of the building on a hot day in the city. I want to see my building from the sailboat, and see the sailboats from my building. I want to hang twinkle lights around the windowss and sit in the dark with Aud and a glass of wine and just…be. I want to walk to work and school and…everywhere. The other stuff…the scared stuff…I hope will go away…

The coolest thing about living there, I think, will be the social aspect. The location will be perfect for our friends to meet us before a night out, and a place for them to crash safely later. The apartment will be a great place to entertain. And there’s always so much going on in the neighborhood, that when I feel antisocial (which seems to be the theme these days), I can send Aud out with his pals and I won’t feel too afraid to walking my dogs alone at night. I know he’ll come home safely. And yeah…it’s pricey. But the what we’re saving by not driving…all that gas and parking…all that time not spent commuting…all that walking… We’ve both always wanted to live downtown, and there’s no better time than now…

Wow…I can’t wait to walk my dogs in public square in December when people are ice skating and all those tacky Christmas light displays are set up. I can’t wait to be there for the first blizzard of the year…opening day for baseball… And of course…maybe we’ll be there when Lebron James brings it home for Cleveland this season…cause that would be one hell of a party…

For now it’s back to the Note. I’d better stop worry about the packing and the moving and the deposit for the moment…