No matter what the day brings, deep down I know it really is a good day because I have the man of my dreams, a kitty who loves me, a roof over my head and I live in paradise.

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"The unsaid, for me, exerts great power . . ." - Louise Gluck

Music of the Day:
-- The Brooklyn Cowboys - Dodging Bullets

Drinking: Water

I did not wake up feeling well. I called my ride and told her I would not be going to the meeting this morning. This is probably when I should be going to the meeting.

I feel am out of control. Nothing is getting done. That is not true either; yesterday I did my research for my medical benefits. I read all of the information that has been sent to me about what is available. It all costs money. The cheapest I could get was $35 monthly premiums and $10 co-pays to see the doctor. The high note is that it has a four star rating from member satisfaction. I guess today I will call them and sign up. I do have until December 7 but I don't see any other way around it and there is no reason to put it off. I would hate to forget about it and screw myself in the process.

Yesterday, Michael was acting fairly normal considering his actions of the past few days. I swear I am living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I guess with all of his stuff, I have given up and I am withdrawing.

I don't even feel like writing. I want to escape.

I feel tired.

I feel sad.

I feel worried.

I feel . . .

I feel . . .

I don't feel like doing anything.

I don't feel like doing housework.

I don't feel like taking care of myself.

I don't feel like . . .

I don't feel . . .

I don't . . .

I . . .

Is this an affect of living with alcoholism? If it is, it sucks.

I realize that I am in a moment of depression.

I want to pull the covers up over my head and hide out.

I don't even care about going outside to take care of my little garden area.

I don't even want to go walking.

I guess I will end this here.

mz. em

Days Meditating: 12
Currently reading:
-- "Taltos" - Anne Rice
-- "The Daily Book of Art/356 readings that teach, inspire & entertain" - day 50

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