This is something I posted on a comments page on a journal I read, written by Rob Rummel-Hudson, www.darn-tootin.com. (If I weren't such a spaz when it comes to HTML, I'd post that as a real link. You can copy and paste it. You should go there. Now.)

Rob's a very funny guy, and a good writer who's having a very interesting life. If you live in Austin, and know of anyone needing to hire someone who's very proficient in tech support type stuff, and very well-versed in music, not to mention someone who seems to be a generally fun guy to have around, point them Rob's way.

Anyway, in today's entry, Rob wrote about squirrels and grackles, and someone else asked what grackles are. Here is my reply:

Grackles! The bane of sitting outside for a beer or a burrito in Austin! Bleargh!

Grackles are ugly black birds who all look as if they've been in fights with Bluejays, and come out on the wrong end. They're all kind of mangy-looking, and they POOP all over absolutely everything, including your head, as you're sitting outside in the lovely Austin spring sunshine, enjoying your burrito under the large, spreading pecan or oak tree. Not that I'd know from personal experience, or anything.

They are EVERYWHERE. You can not run, you can not hide, and they will not stop, ever. The Big UT had to install weird iron things on top of the library to try to keep them from sitting on the roof, hanging their butts over the edge, and butt-bombing all over everyone who went inside. And then there was the ill-thought-out plan to fire off a loud noise each day at a preplanned time, in order to scare them off. This scared them off, alright, but scaring Grackles is not necessarily a good thing. They all shat in unison as they flew away in a panic, and caused quite the shit-slick on the main mall, as I remember.

Anyway, the real reason for my post was I wanted to comment on the Sixth Thing Squirrels are Required to Do in Life: Dig up and eat every single bulb I planted over five back-breaking hours last fall! From early recon, I see that they've eaten many of the hundreds of bulbs I planted, leaving little gopher-like holes as evidence of their perfidious plot. Other bulbs not to their taste were simply tooth-marked or gummed on and left to freeze and rot above ground. I suppose this could be a characteristic of the Grey-backed, Northern Squirrelicus, because I never saw this kind of bad behavior when I lived down south.

I've had it! Next year, I'm getting an owl garden ornament, several owl garden ornaments, or maybe even a real one I let out at night to prey on the little buggers. Or maybe I'll just get a cat.

As far as I'm concerned, squirrel season opened yesterday!

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© 2003 - 2004 m. lucas