When you write a series about paparazzi, you are, by extension, writing about celebrity. And as long as they keep doing crap like this, I will never run out of material:

L.A.'s gliteratti - including Paris Hilton who was wearing so much sparkly stuff on her cleavage it looked like someone had gilded her boobs - turned out to celebrate the launching of an ice pick.

Did you follow that? I'm not sure you followed that. Let's go back.

Famous people showed up at a party, with journalists and photographers and living witnesses, to pay homage to a metal thingy you break ice with.

I couldn't make that up. And if I did, you wouldn't believe me.

It's called the Jagger Dagger; was designed by Jade Jagger, daughter of the more famous Mick; is encrusted with diamonds, lapis lazuli and moonstone, and costs a quarter of a million dollars. The dagger will be used tableside at some fancy-pants restaurants when a magnum of a particular fancy-pants vodka is ordered to, you know, chip some ice into your glass.

Jagger was quoted in the L.A. Times as saying, "...there is amazing ice, and there is run-of-the-mill ice. So if you hand-carve good ice with a diamond-encrusted dagger, let me tell you, your drink tastes better."

Really? You think you'd actually notice? 'Cause a magnum of anything is one-and-a-half liters. You drink one-and-a-half-liters of vodka, I'm thinking you'd have a hard time distinguishing your nose from your dick. But hey, what do I know?