Dispatches from the City of Angels
I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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Favorite Quotes:
"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke
"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom
"How you do anything is how you do everything."
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Forget the monologues
WARNING: There's some stuff here that's probably not suitable for work...unless you happen to work in porn. Then it's probably okay. Odds-on it's still offensive though and in poor taste. You should really just leave now. No, you should.
Making the internet rounds is a spoof of the uber-popular video game Guitar Hero called "Vagina Hero." In the original game, players use a button operated "guitar" to control their onscreen doppelganger. In this one, the controller is, you guessed it, a button-operated vagina.
(Top 10 phrases I never thought I'd type: "button-operated vagina.")
There are a few women commentators that find the concept along with the distinctly guy-oriented instruction manual extraordinarily offensive. I find it extraordinarily hysterical.
Excerpt: "The E-Zones (or "EZ's") correspond to the same colored buttons on your Vagina Hero controller, dubbed 'HodgePodge.' Why HodgePodge? 'Just look at it. What the fuck is that? We designed it and we don't even really know. We tried to stay true to real thing, but that's the best we could do.'...As the EZ's approach the middle of the screen, you need to tap the corresponding EZ button on your controller...You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky."
See? Really, it's just a cry for help. These boys are LOST. They need an instruction manual, a map, a NASA-engineered simulator, something, ANYTHING. I have single women friends. I hear their dating horror stories. There is a reason women tend to date up in age. The learning curve is long, and we just don't have that kind of patience.
Making the internet rounds is a spoof of the uber-popular video game Guitar Hero called "Vagina Hero." In the original game, players use a button operated "guitar" to control their onscreen doppelganger. In this one, the controller is, you guessed it, a button-operated vagina.
(Top 10 phrases I never thought I'd type: "button-operated vagina.")
There are a few women commentators that find the concept along with the distinctly guy-oriented instruction manual extraordinarily offensive. I find it extraordinarily hysterical.
Excerpt: "The E-Zones (or "EZ's") correspond to the same colored buttons on your Vagina Hero controller, dubbed 'HodgePodge.' Why HodgePodge? 'Just look at it. What the fuck is that? We designed it and we don't even really know. We tried to stay true to real thing, but that's the best we could do.'...As the EZ's approach the middle of the screen, you need to tap the corresponding EZ button on your controller...You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky."
See? Really, it's just a cry for help. These boys are LOST. They need an instruction manual, a map, a NASA-engineered simulator, something, ANYTHING. I have single women friends. I hear their dating horror stories. There is a reason women tend to date up in age. The learning curve is long, and we just don't have that kind of patience.
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