There's a stinky guy at work. He's in his 60s, a fat old Jewish man who's been working in the Garment District his whole life (not too stereotypical, right?), and is now a traffic coordinator here. This means he follows people around and nags them to death about deadlines and whatnot. And he stinks. He reeks. He's got explosive B.O. I mean, this guy would knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon. I walked into my boss' office while he was in there, and I thought I was going to puke on his shoes. I had to hold my hand in front of my nose until I left. It was putrid.

He used to come into my cube to see what's in my in-box, and I'd have to spray whatever I had to cover up the smell. Most of the time it was hairspray; sometimes it had to be Static-Guard, cos that's all I had. But I had to spray SOMETHING. The air was unbreathable. Luckily, he hasn't done that in a while, because I moved cubes and am right outside my boss' office now. (But that's a whole separate story.)

And now he's walking around without his suit jacket on. Apparently, that's what he uses to keep the stench contained most of the time, because without it, it's just an assault on the rest of the office. Have you ever smelled rotten eggs covered in dog shit? That would be delicious compared to this guy. I pity the people who ride the subway with him. He must stink up the entire car.

People have complained to Human Resources in the past. HR has actually had to have a little chat with him about personal hygiene. More than once. And his own brother works in this office; you'd think at least HE would say something. How do you have a sibling that has to be told by Human Resources to take a bath once in a while? Wouldn't you be on that shit simply to save your family name the embarrassment?

More than once I've been tempted to just leave an industrial-sized bottle of body wash on his desk and hope he got the hint. Or a deodorant with a ribbon around it and a note that said "Use Me". Anything. But I always chicken out. I'd like to be that mean, but I'm not.

If it was me, and I didn't smell so great, or if I had something in my teeth, or needed a mint or something, I'd appreciate being told so I could rectify the situation. But then, I actually care about not being a disgusting pig to other people. Especially the people I'm locked up with for 9 hours a day, with no open windows.

Ugh.