When I was about 8 years old I said "motherfucker" in front of my grandmother. Of course I wasn’t aware she was listening and, had I known, I would have most certainly said something else. She didn't punish me in any physical sense, but her obvious disappointment was enough to make me not want to say it again.

A couple of years later I was caught saying it again, only this time it was in the middle of bible study. As punishment, I was given a note to take home to my parents. In a moment of legendary stupidity, I forged their required signatures and, with my head held high, marched back to school. With one look, my teacher recognized the fakes and sent the letter right back; this time with an accompanying phone call. For my ignorance, I was grounded for a month and, at school, was forced to stick around the classroom to write essays while the rest of the class enjoyed our yearly field-trip to the zoo.

That really sucked.