Having recently seen The Dark Night, I can't help but compare this riveting and nearly-perfect new entry into the Batman legacy to... well, a film the Batman legacy would just as soon forget. Just to remind us all, I'm re-posting a blog written on August 9th, 2006.

Let us remember Batman and Robin (1997):

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My quest for the worst film of all time has finally ended. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Batman and Robin. I know what you are thinking. "Come on, can this really be the WORST film of all time?" The answer is an emphatic "yes," and I will tell you why.

Firstly, say what you will about "Manos the Hands of Fate." At least that film cost 11 dollars and had some spirit. Even "Pearl Harbor" has at least 10 or 15 minutes of redeemable footage (ok, maybe 7 or 8). And despite the fact that I havent seen it, I would imagine "Glitter" to at least be entertaining in an ironic, "look at how insane Mariah Carey is" kind of way.

Then there is Batman and Robin.

As if the horrendous script, poor production, horrible acting, laughable costumes, ignorant jokes, overblown special effects, ridiculous props, awkward fight scenes, and bizarre, homoerotic undertones weren't enough, this film cost a whopping 125 million dollars to produce! That is more than the Gross Domestic Product of several small countries, and likely enough to feed the people of those countries for quite some time. Had Batman and Robin simply been bad, I might have kept it in the ever-rotating running for worst film. The price tag, however, solidifies its place as the biggest joke in the history of cinema.

"Batman on Ice," as it has been called, plays out more like "Batman the Musical," complete with elaborate dance (fight) scenes and garish sets, tailored specifically to the nuances of each villain or, in some cases, just for the hell of it. Even Batman, Robin, and Bat Girl (?) get to change costumes before the grand finale. How fabulous is that?!

Now, far be it from me to judge someone based on his or her sexual orientation and it is not often that I even poke fun at stereotypes, but my god this movie is gay! I could write pages and pages about how this is a film targeted at gay men, but I will only give a brief summary that I think speaks to the film's essence:

There is trouble in the bat cave. The dynamic duo are at odds because Robin is desperate for Batman's approval and Batman wants only to protect his partner from the harsh dangers of fabulous crime fighting. Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne turns down a life with Elle Macpherson because he is not the marrying type. In the end, Dick and Bruce (wow), donned in rubbery-nippled suits, rise together with a rather frumpy sidekick to fight off a poisonous woman (hmmm...) and a frigid man (um...). All this occurs amidst a pink city filled with giant, naked man statues and one rather large telescope. Oh and lets not forget the elaborate jungle sets, complete with acrobats, dancers, and... wait for it... papier-mâché! Throw in some fireworks (explosions?) and a Batmobile that would make Liberace proud and you have a fabulously fabulous film for the ages.

Honestly, the gay thing is really sort of a humorous afterthought and I only draw attention to it because of its obviousness and because Joel Shumacher is openly gay. I also chuckle at the idea that many masculine, otherwise homophobic men probably enjoyed this film upon first viewing. What would they think now? For that Joel, I give you kudos!

Too sum up, this movie blows not because it is gay, but because it is just plain bad. It is really a shame that it was ever made. I now officially put the worst movie search to rest. I will leave you with a few key quotes. Goodnight.

Robin: I hate to disappoint you but my rubber lips are immune to your charms.

Batman: Your head wasn't even on the job. All you could think about was Poison Ivy.
Robin: You just can't stand it! Maybe she wanted me instead of you. I mean, this is your idea of friendship, isn't it, Bruce? It's your house, it's your rules, it's your way to the highway! It's Batman and Robin, not Robin and Batman, and I'm sick of it!
Batman: Yes, it's my rules. *My* rules to keep us alive, and if you want to stay in this house, and on this team, you will abide by them!
Robin: This is no partnership. You're never gonna trust me!

Cop: Please show some mercy!
Freeze: I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.

Freeze: Follow the numbers, Batman, for they are the harbingers of your doom.