CaySwann
A "G-Rated Journal" That Even My Mother Can Read (because she does!)

Effervescence is a state of mind. It's about choosing to bring sunshine to the day.
Every person I meet matters.

If it's written down, I know it (If it's not written down, I don't know it)
If it's color-coded, I understand it (If it's not color-coded, I don't understand it)


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clear-headed and happy

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Daddy-do and me, 2010


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Duh, How to Have Hope Again

Wed Oct 26 - My drive to work usually is worst on the freeway. The side-streets portion once I exit the freeway can take only 7 minutes, and averages 10 or maybe 15 at most. It took me nearly 35-40 minutes today, and that was after bailing out of one long climb on the hill, jogging a mile to the right, and continuing up the hill on another street.

Got to work and heard there was a huge 5-car fatality including a car probably rolling several times down a hill in the trees, all in the block ahead of where I bailed and jogged over to the right. It's a good thing I had, because I'd have been on that hill for more than an hour, had I stayed in line. We had to move a 9 am meeting to 11 am to accomodate co-workers stuck on a street with no exit routes.

On a good note, a friend I hadn't heard from in days is email-accessible again, and actually so is a second friend. So now that I know that no one is "dead in a ditch without calling me..." I feel much better.

The evening plans rapidly developed throughout the afternoon, so what I thought was a very open evening suddenly was a very full evening. I stopped off at home, on my drive, to pick up all the material for my Saturday Halloween outfit (I have 2 outfits for 2 parties this year), and then braved the mess that is the 405 near LAX to visit Saul and hang out. I dropped by the Outdoor Grill (a favorite of Saul's) and picked up dinner for us. He worked on repairing a laptop and I worked on sewing my lace dress-over-layer for the Victorian Goth party, and we chatted all evening about the craziness that is our lives. Things are so much easier to clear up in person than on email, since you can get the voice-inflections and you can touch on a nerve and finally find out what the issue is. And the best thing is that best friends can weather anything.

We've joked with each other that someday one of us is going to be at the other person's wedding, and we're going to get to say "I told you so." All I can say now is that I'm incredibly thankful for friends who'll put up with me going slightly insane for brief moments, then they are there to hit some reality back into me with a sledge hammer, and we're still friends no matter what. (Thanks bro. It means a lot to me.)
* * * * *

Thu Oct 27 - So this evening should have been in the studio again, but I'm so backed up at work that I've already written to the guys to say I won't be there. I have no idea how late I'm going to have to be at the office to get everything on my reviewer's desk, but I *will* get review chapters to him tonight come hell or high water. Of course, hmm, we've already had "high water" around the country this year, so strike that.

And this morning I finally feel the burdens of insanity lifted. I made several mistakes in my head, confusing one good thing for something else, and I apologize for all the hystrionics lately. Mea culpa, darlings.

I definitely am finally recognizing that not all hope is lost. Maybe I shouldn't give up so soon, on love and life and blah blah blah. Friends can last forever, but that doesn't mean that I'm doomed to have "just friends" for the rest of my life. I'm not sure all the ways that will play out, but I'm noticing the thankful bits in my life more and more again. Yay me! *clap clap*

* * * * *
Recently Listened to: Gravity Willing Requia
Recently Watched: NCIS, several episodes of Xena on TiVo fast forward, just to delete them off the hard drive
* * * * *
Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: Brian and Morgana. The longer I know them, the more I appreciate their friendship, their open hospitality, and the relaxation they offer so many of their friends. What a beautiful relationship, and how lucky I am to know them.


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