I am glad that I will be having a long ride alone up to Mass and home again. I am bringing a notebook with me. I plan to do a lot of thinking and writing. I will be following Rhubarb's suggestions of yesterday and make the list. but I will also be working on my writing. I think. I don't know. I am feeling a little lost. We were suppose to go to wal-mart today but he said everytime he came to bed, I would start kicking my legs so he couldn't get to sleep. I suggested we go to walmart later skipping breakfast out or we go tomorrow. He picked tomorrow so I won't be going to church.

I feel like I am swimming in a morass of feelings. I will be using time to straigten those all out. I do think that this is all taking my hubby by surprise. He doesn't know where I am coming from because I am changing, I don't know if it is growth or if it is me just finally having had enough of always giving in to what others want.

He thinks that he is being nice cause he insists on doing all the chores so I don't get sick, but that only makes me feel guilty. Partially because he lets things pile up so that he has 15 loads of laundry instead of 5. (weekly vs 3 weeks-now it has to all be done cause I need the clothes to pack for my trip!). If I do it and complain at all that my leg swelled up or something aches, he starts an arguement. It's not worth the fight. And I am not going to do it when it is that large a project.

I don't know it I will have access to the internet while I am gone, my sister has it, but I don't know if time will allow. I am hoping some time. But maybe it will be for best if not-need to really think in between times. Hopefully, no real arguements between now and then.