TT had a great comment about how when I get sick DH becomes a waif because my attention is diverted from him. In other words, when I get sick my boundaries are firm because I don't have the energy to cope with his needs-I have to take care of myself. I get short with him-"I am going to sleep now." Was repeated twice Sunday night and I did. Not that it was good sleep. I am too use to trying to take care of him and he never saw it. I got my way-and my marriage never was this much work before because I just put up with it. I bit my tongue and worked around what was needed ALL the time. Now I am really looking at the dynamics and saying 'do I WANT to do it this way?' and saying 'no' when I don't want his 'help'. That's when arguments start. (Though tonight I will take his help because I am in pain today. It is increasing in intensity. And I have to make it to work. There was another great bookcase in the giveaway area and I helped move it into the apartment this morning-oops! That was a no-no)

DH has mentioned the D word several times lately. I can tell it scares him. It scares me too. I know I can survive-and be healthier. I don't think that he can. I made a comment yesterday that showed how he was trying to 'help' me. And I think it finally hit him. so he is backing off-boundary set-reinforced.