I was reading the BPD site and a posting hit the heart of me. The heart of why I married my husband. "Finding someone to "love" was more important than finding someone who truly loved me and understood me." WOW! And my husband has been constantly saying that until he met me, no woman loved him. So we were two lonely people-settling. I have said to a close friend that I don't remember "falling in love" with my husband, but that I loved him. A BIG red flag there. And now I know that something that my religion was teaching isn't necessarily true-"Any good man and any good woman can have a good marriage." I bought that, hook, line, and sinker. So, now that I have grown beyond that first need, the need to have someone to love, I cannot throw his love for me in his face.

I do love him, but I need him to respect me. I don't think he ever will. We make the knitting Wednesdays a 'date' night because he doesn't like me traveling home by myself, yet lots of women do it safely every night-I would be home by 9. Yet, it is starting to feel like he doesn't trust me to come home. If it was a matter of safety, he could meet me at the metro station near the house-but, I could get a bus from there. I have not had a problem and I am self aware of my surroundings. I do like eating out with him, we can still do that-and then he can go home instead of sitting in Dunkin donuts drinking coffee and then waiting outside the door of the store.

The T I called yesterday hasn't called back. Since this is the second time I called her with no call back, I am going to my second choice on the list. Just did-left message. apparently T in private practice don't have receptionists?.