crochetlady's Journal
Meanderings, Hopes, Writing and Growth

Wife of 32 years, mother of 2, grandmother of 3, Government worker eligible to retire in 5 years, crocheter of 34 years; hopeful writer; people watcher; reader of much; lover of cats,dogs,horses and most four legged animals;and much more to learn about myself.
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A Black Hole

Yesterday I almost went someplace I haven't been in a long time. I went backward. I was home sick-sore throat, fever-gone now. anyway, B came home and was disappointed that dishes weren't washed. We were talking and I don't know what happened but I reverted to saying (and really meaning it) things that would make just him happy. Things like I would do the dishes, and what ever he wanted, I was going backward, into a hole! And it scared HIM! He literally grabbed me and yelled at me to stop it. That things were NOT TO BE what made HIM happy but what made US happy. This went on for about an hour or so. By the end I was crying and shaking. I don't know what came over me, but it was too close to the edge. He even asked what happened to that strong person who made the statement-he wanted her back. So, I guess, he wants the new me, not the old me. HE doesn't really want someone who is unhappy all the time. But the whole episode shook me up, and him up. I had been so strong for so long- I am back there. And now he is with me too. He knows that he doesn't want a go along with him person any more. I think he is learning. Now, if I can figure out what caused the snap, I would feel more comfortable.

On the health front, I am tired of feeling nauseous every time I eat anything. This has been going on non-stop for over a month. Food tastes great-but everything is causing me a problem! The last time I remember this symptom, I had an ulcer, many years ago-I was living in Edwardsville IL. Yeesh, Kids were little then. Ok, time to research Web-md.

Oh, crochet front, shawl that I have been working on-on and off, I may have sold to co-worker for $30. Yarn costs $15. Hey, bought the yarn as an experiment, and she really likes the colors! I can't have the yarn against my bare arms because of the mohair-itchy!


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