“What we call a beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” TS Elliot

Today early this morning we entered into a full moon – which means tonight our world will be lit with the mother moons grandeur, and the full moon is the “blissful moon” as I call it, most folk feel depressed during the wane of moon. This month the full moon also known as The Wolf Moon; each full moon in each month has a name, usually it’s a name that the natives gave it. The January moon earned its name by the wolf packs howling at it in the dead of winter outside of the villages. So the wolf being not only my mother’s maiden name translation, and on of my totem animals - I count it a lucky moon indeed. Lastly; today would have been my dad’s 59th birthday if he was still with us. And I just cannot let the day pass without remembering it – I refuse to let go of it actually, not that I don’t think of him every day, but I refuse to allow one of his birthdays to pass without some form of recognition.

As years roll by everyone says it should get better, easier, and it should hurt less. I suppose it is just a bit more numb that it used to be, but there’s still a great big hole in my heart without him in my life. Most days, I’m all right, and I see the light in his passing, and then there are days when I’m a little girl who needs a hug from her dad. This day is difficult – and the Cancer moon directing my energy towards loved ones heightens that level of difficulty quite a bit. I’ve spent the last several years fretting over the remaining portion of my family or people who I love and their health and safety.

In review of the last few years, I also realize how much his passing altered me. Of course I’ve always been on my path, however it does make you take note of how certain individuals in history when going through pain of some sort, came out on the other side so diverse. Luckily I had a good start in life, the best family a girl could ask for, more adventure, activity, and closeness than many get their whole life. Really I never thought I needed a new prospective on mortality, however in losing someone you reinforce what you have with those you are left here on the planet with. In my case – it was a mom who I was already incredibly close to, becoming a best friend and riding partner. In mom’s case she earned her brother back into her life, and she found a little red horse that had waited a lifetime for her after she had been without horses for almost 30 years (really who can survive without a horse for that long?). What have you found through what you perceived as a loss? A fresh new you? A more powerful you? Contrary to what I used to believe, the universe never sends you more than you cannot handle, and if you accept what you were given as for your highest good, you do in fact come out on the other side with not only more faith in yourself but more faith in the universe.

I wish I had something else profound to say today, alas I do not. I just couldn’t let this day pass without saying “Happy Birthday Dad!!!” to the entire world (ok so just my readers!), because I can’t tell him anymore except in spirit and I want ALL of you to know how amazing of a human he was. So dad - wherever you are; you don’t need the wings of your airplane to fly anymore, and you’re free to see the entire world from a point of view the rest of us cannot. May your travels in the next world be as joyous as the ones in this world, and you will never be forgotten, I will keep my promise and make your passing the beginning not the end.