Silly Thinking

A Special Easter Sunday edition of STShowcase.

Here is your host Hal Holbrook.


HH: Good evening, I’m Hal Holbrook and this is STShowcase.

Tonight, on this special Easter Sunday edition, we hope you’ll gather your family for a rare speech from Jesus Christ which he presented to us originally on Dec 21'st, 2003. To most Christians he is the son of God and our savior, and to others a historical anomaly. Tonight we hope to set the record straight with Jesus in own words.

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Hi everyone and welcome to our award winning weekend feature "A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities- HOLIDAY EDITION"

Here's the guy! The MAN! Mister Christmas himself!
HERE'S JESUS CHRIST!!!


JC: Hi.
Happy holidays people.
It is I Jesus.
Ya know folks a lot of you "Christians" celebrate my birthday at this time. I'm grateful and all.
Dad likes it. A lot.
But I wasn't born in December. Nope. I came around in your Summer I think (who can remember back that far?) But your "Church" moved my birthday to December to celebrate at the same time non- believers celebrated the winter solstice.
But Dad tells me every year that it's the thought that counts and "they mean well" when talking about you guys. It pisses me off a little though. But whatever.
Look the little folk tales your "Religons" tell you about me aren't really true but Dad says (and this really pisses me off) remember what John Ford said 'when the legend and truth meet... print the legend'. Alright but it's my life and the messages aren't mine.
Here's what I said and do say all the time:

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FIGHT THE MAN.
THE OPPRESSER!
FIGHT THE GOVERNMENT THAT OPPRESSES THE PEOPLE AND STEALS YOUR MONEY AND BUILDS GODS AND HEROES OUT OF WARRIORS AND POLITICIANS.
BUT DO IT WITH LOVE.

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LOOK! DON'T GO TO CHURCH TO PRAY TO ME. THOSE GUYS IN CHURCH ARE A HINDRANCE, A BLOCK BETWEEN YOU AND ME. JUST FIND A SPACE FOR YOURSELF, SHUT THE DOOR, AND TALK TO ME. YOU CAN DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF. NO MIDDLE MEN ARE NEEDED (PARTICULARLY THOSE PEOPLE IN THE COSTUMES. WHAT'S WITH THAT ANYWAY?)


I'M HERE SMOKING A LITTLE BUD AND WAITING FOR YOU (PARTICULARLY YOU... YEAH YOU RIGHT THERE. GET ON THE HORN BRO AND FUCKIN TALK TO ME MAN!!!)
MY MESSAGE IS LOVE.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
LOVE EVERYBODY. NOT JUST PEOLE WHO THINK LIKE YOU OR LOOK LIKE YOU... EVERYBODY.
I SAID LOVE WAS AND IS THE ANSWER.
YOU PEOPLE SAY "I LOVE MY MEMBERS OF THE CHURCH" OR "I LOVE AMERICA" OR "I LOVE FRANCE". OR "I LOVE ISLAM." ONE PROBLEM THERE YOU GUYS, YOU LEFT OUT EVERYBODY ELSE!!!


I'M NOT KIDDING YOU PEOPLE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME IF YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR WAYS. YOU'VE REALLY FUCKED UP.
TRY NOT SAYING 'HATE' FOR A DAY.
"I HATE MILK", "I HATE BUSH", "I HATE THIS FUCKING CAR". I JUST PICKED THOSE UP IN THE LAST TWO TENTHS OF A SECOND. TRY LIVING HATE FREE.
I GET STONED JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW POWERFUL LOVE IS AND YOU JUST PISS IT AWAY.
LOVE IS POWER.
LOVE IS THE ANSWER!
LOVE IS GREAT. IT REALLY IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN HATE.


LOOK I LOVE YOU GUYS AND DAD LOVES YOU GUYS, BUT YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM GO OFF ON YOU PEOPLE SOMETIMES. HE CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE POISONING YOURSELVES TO DEATH.


AIR AND WATER PEOPLE. HOW CAN YOU MISS THAT AND MESS IT UP SO MUCH?
EVEN THE ROMANS KNEW ABOUT PURE CLEAN WATER ALTHOUGH THEY WOULD HAVE POLLUTED THE AIR IF THEY WOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW. BELIEVE ME THOSE ROMANS WERE ASLEEP MOST OF THE TIME. THEY WERE BLOCKHEADS, CHARLIE BROWN!


BUT I LOVE 'EM FOR IT.
THEY KNEW NOT WHAT THEY DID. BUT I LOVED THEIR COMMITMENT TO WHAT THEY WANTED. SOME OF THEM REALLY DID BELIEVE IN ROME AND ALL THAT SHIT. NOW IT'S ALL PIZZA AND ANCIENT RELICS, BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM RUNNING AROUND IN THE OUTFITS AND ALL.

NOW THEY'RE JUST DUST. JUST STORIES AND DUST.
THAT'S WHAT ALL THE GREAT EARTHLY LEADERS ARE AND IT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU GUYS.
LOOK YOU GUYS INVEST YOUR TIME IN GREED AND DOMINATION OVER OTHERS AND IT'S ALL 'ME ME ME' AND YOU FAIL. MISERABLY. AND THERE'S PAIN AND SUFFERING, NEEDLESS PAIN AND SUFFERING.


RECONSIDER IT ALL.
THINK ABOUT WHATS IN YOUR HEARTS AND RELAX AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
IT'S SIMPLE.

LOVE,
JESUS CHRIST

P.S. HOW COULD I HAVE DIED FOR YOUR SINS WHEN YOU ARE STILL SINNING? I MEAN THINK ABOUT IT. MAKE MY DEATH MEAN SOMETHING AND STOP FUCKING AROUND.