Okay. I haven't meant to be secretive, but I've been dieting and pumping iron.

I've limited myself to 1,200 daily calories and doing 60 minutes cardio 3x each week, 30 minutes cardio 3x each week, and weight training 60 minutes 3x each week. That pretty much takes up my whole week right there. It's kinda late in life, but I've decided to make some permanent life-changes, and it's working. I've lost 10 pounds in 5 weeks and lots of inches. I'm trying to be sensible for the first time in my life albeit my car autopilots to the gym.

The other day at the gym, as I furiously pedaled to nowhere, I read an article in "Self" magazine. Isn't that a marvelous magazine to have at a gym packed with egocentrics?

The article was about researchers at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville. They've discovered that laughing for 10-15 minutes over the course of a day can burn an extra 40 calories. Hmmm, I thought, Nashville, home of Hee-Haw? I burst out laughing. When I finished, my sides aching, I realized I'd just burned an extra 40 calories, and still had a whole day to laugh myself to a slim new me!

The article went on to explain that if a person wasn't feeling amused, laughter could be faked - that physiologically, fake laughter is the same because the muscles are moved and the heart rate increased.

Well, I pondered, I've never been inclined to fake anything, including an orgasm. Quite frankly, I never saw the point. Same theory applies to fake laughter - I can't imagine it would be very satisfying.

I generally laugh a lot anyway, but I've added additional laughter to my daily regimen. So what if people stare at me as I uproariously laugh while squeezing and sniffing the cantaloupe in the produce section of my favorite market? So what if I laugh when the dentist tells me I require a root canal? So what if I laugh as I'm paying the bills? So what if I laugh as I clean the house, tend to my garden, fly down the freeway, or cook dinner? I want to lose weight, and what better way! If one tries hard enough, there's humor in everything. So what if the world thinks I'm daft - I'll get the last laugh.

Hey, I'm just looking out for my improved health. Besides, I may be able to cut back on my time at the gym and get some writing done. Now, that's funny!