by irene bean

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A Solid Foundation



Not Trying to be Corny

This Little Light of Mine

We Were Once Young

Veni, Vedi, Vinca

U Tube Has a New Star

Packing a 3-Iron

Getting Personal

Welcome Again

Well... Come on in

Christmas Shopping

There's no Substitute

Dressed for Success

Cancun Can-Can

Holy Guacamole

Life can be Crazy

The New Dog

Hurricane Reenie

He Delivers

No Spilt Milk

Naked Fingers


Have Ya Heard the One About?

The Great Caper


Barney's P***S

My New Security System

The Great Caper

People occasionally ask me what makes me think what I think - especially when I write. "Geesh, it's easy," is my usual response. Life happens, and newspapers and periodicals never fail to feed my brain with fodder. I swear to you, I'm not smart enough to come up with this stuff on my own.

Point in case - I recently read in April's AARP Bulletin (Hey! Don't laugh - they'll find you too someday), when my eyes landed upon the most bizarre item regarding trends. Apparently, Japan is facing a crisis with a new phenomenon that will probably spread like wildfire through all developed countries. The new phenomenon actually made sense to me after I chewed on it for a nanosecond. And I quote:

"The graying of Japan's prison population has some politicians worried that the prepared meals and other amenities offered there may be luring older people into lives of crime."

Japan's prisons are unwittingly turning into retirement homes!

That evening I shared this tidbit of news with my husband. After little deliberation and two cocktails, we made up our minds. We need to come up with a caper that will land us in prison - er, uh, um - I mean retirement home. We still have about fifteen years to plan its orchestration, but heck, we're now thinking we might take an early retirement.

Yup, we like the idea of 3-squares a day (for you kids, that's old-fashioned for 3 meals), laundry service, a gym, a recreation room and yard, counseling or spiritual guidance, lots of leisure time to catch up on our reading and my writing, perhaps a little part-time job stamping license plates to earn some pin money (for you kids, that's old-fashioned for extra spending money), and most important, 100% medical care without ghastly insurance premiums. Good heavens, our families can even visit us. The list of benefits is endless.

Yeah, we'd had two cocktails, but even in the sobering break of daylight, we still thought it was a good idea.

There are only two glitches I can readily think of:

1. My husband and I would require a cell - er, uh, um - room for two people. I'll take the bottom bunk.
2. We'd face a dilemma if paroled. We'd be back on the mean streets desperately seeking an opportunity to become repeat offenders. I guess we'd have to be a little naughty every so often to avoid "time off" for good behavior.

Okay. So, I'm asking ya'll for some tips. What caper should we plan? Something a little Bonnie & Clyde sans weaponry or bloodshed is what we have in mind. All suggestions will be taken under advisement with great appreciation.

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