by irene bean
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SOME OF MY FAVORITE BLOGS I'VE POSTED
A Solid Foundation
Not Trying to be Corny
This Little Light of Mine
We Were Once Young
Veni, Vedi, Vinca
U Tube Has a New Star
Packing a 3-Iron
Well... Come on in
There's no Substitute
Dressed for Success
Life can be Crazy
The New Dog
No Spilt Milk
Have Ya Heard the One About?
The Great Caper
My New Security System
2007-11-06 11:11 AM
I know I tout my site as a place where I don't air personal issues, but today I'm going to bare it all - expose my personal life to its fullest - take a risk, jump in naked like the rest of you.
Well, sort of.
Last month a good friend and I decided to once again try the Personals on an Internet dating site. She's had a few dates, but that's for her to report, not me... but, boy howdy, I sure could have fun. Anyhoo, the two of us have laughed ourselves dumb-silly as we've read the Personals on this well known matchmaking site.
Of note, a very nifty couple, one of my neighbors on the mountain, recently staged an intervention of sorts. They invited me to a dinner party and asked me to linger after the other guests had left. Empowered by several glasses of wine, they sat me down and begged me to *off* the dating site - that they had made up their minds to make it their mission to find me a good man - one I am deserving of. Shoot! I'd be a fool to pass up such a offer - not only will it save me money, I will avoid lots of pesky boo-bobs. The only thing I'll miss is the stitch in my side when I laugh myself dumb-silly as I read the personals ads.
Okay. Here's the validation you're probably clamoring for. I swear to you, these ads are lifted, verbatim, from a renowned matchmaking site. There were thousands to choose from, but these are some of my favorites:
1. I am a farm boy and would like to find a lady who could drive the Deere on occasion... (Reenie: OMG! I think I hear a banjo.)
2. This is the time to get dound to earth honesty i'am quite type of a person like any other i get lonely, but i do try to make up for it i do not like the silant treatment when there are something wrong... (Reenie: Do any of you have a clue what he just said?)
3. I am a christian man loking for a woman that is not ashamed of servicing GOD. (Reenie: something about that sentence sounds downright perverted.)
4. I am honest fathful and a one woman man like to have a partnert todo things with and to go placeses with and have fun like to fish and would like someone to do the same things. (Reenie: Helloooo, spell check!)
5. Where are you that I may pumper you. I need none but you. I would not rest until I find you and put your head on my chest. I would like to play the only game I am very good at. It is played behind closed doors... (Reenie: okay, I'm sure he meant pamper instead of pumper... Hmmmm, but maybe not. Oh, ick.)
6. I am a Capricorn whose Moon is in Pisces... (Reenie: And what about Uranus?)
7. I do not Smoke, chew or dip. (Reenie: Phew! In these here parts...)
8. I would like someone to be friendly but not flurt with everyone, I, am sort of a stay home guy go out to eat family gatherings sometimes. I guess I enjoy mowing my yard , the rider type mower. (Reenie: speechless)
9. Low key person, loving my god and loving my retirement would like one day to go to a super bowl game. (Reenie: Still laughing)
10. My friends say im a neatnik, i take up to 4 showers a day, and change clothing as frequently.i like (obsessed might be a beetter word). (Reenie: Holy Schniki! I feel dirty just ready this.)
11. Intellegent, kind, considerate, gentleman and fun loving. (Reenie: Intelligent?)
12. WAS MARRIED FOR 46 YEARS, DIVORCED RECENTLY, TALK WITH MY EYES, LOVE TO MAKE A WOMEN FEEL GOOD AND SECURE, WAS IN A HEAD-ON AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT 4 YEARS AGO. (Reenie: Okay, I know I shouldn't be laughing... because, by the grace of God... but really, folks.)
13. Am a serious retired 65 year old male that wants a loving caring women who speaks her mind, not timid, but doesn't talk my ear off. (Reenie: Well, that does it - blah,blah,blah.)
14. Looking for someone that is kind, considerate and trusworhy and has that special chemisty between you and me. (Reenie: do these people have special computers/software with no spell check?)
15. Would love someone that is honest and open that a special intemancy can be obtained. (Reenie: bleh and gag.)
16. WoW ! I am a people person; I love people regardless of who you are, every body is God's child, including you ! I am versatile, love going to church, bible study! (Reenie: I've put this poor soul on my prayer list.)
17. I am a gentle, affectionate, caring person. I am not into arguing and being or making others upset. I like a happy life. I like to joke and enjoy friendly company. (Reenie: Really not bad ideas - it's the presentation that sucks.)
18. I'm a man who needs to be needed. I'm looking for a woman who can satisfy that. I want a woman who is looking for marriage in the near future. I like passive women. (Reenie: Okay, what fucking planet is he from?)
Obviously, my dear, dear neighbors who are out there looking for a companion for me have a lot of hard work ahead. I wonder if they knew what they were taking on.
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