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The F-Word

Someone complained about my potty mouth in my comments section!

But, the word is so accurate. One of the most beautiful and perfect and lovely words in the english language is "Fuck." It is a mystical word that just by its sound can describe many things, be they pleasure, pain, love, or hate. "Fuck" fits neatly into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Dick fucked Jane.) and intransitive (Jane was fucked by Dick (another wonderful word, but one at a time)). It can be an active verb (Dick really gives a fuck), or a passive verb (Jane really doesn't give a fuck), or it can be an adverb (Jane is really fucking interested in Dick), a noun (Jane is a terrific fuck), or an adjective (Jane is fucking beautiful. Down Spot, down!). As you see, there are few words with the versatility of "FUCK."

Besides its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

Greetings: "How the fuck are you?"

Fraud: "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Dismay: "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble: "Well, I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression: "Fuck you!"

Disgust: "Fuck me!"

Confusion: "What the fuck...?"

Difficulty: "I don't get this fucking thing."

Despair: "Fucked again."

Incompetence: "He fucks up everything he touches."

Displeasure: "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost: "Where the fuck are we?"

Disbelief: "Unfuckingbelievable!"

Retaliation: "Up your fucking ass."

It can be used in an anatomical description: "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time: "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business: "I hate my fucking job!"

It can be maternal: "Motherfucker."

It can be political: "Fuck Bush."

And never forget General Custer's last words: "Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" Also, the famous last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: "What the fuck was that?" And last but not least, the immortal words of the captain of the Titanic: "Where is all this fucking water coming from?"

So, to criticize my venacular shows a complete lack of appreciation for the inherint beauty of the word. Individuals of artistic refinement should, therefore, use the word "Fuck," as often as they can.

After all, such discernment can only show one's class and good taste. And, to show a level of genteel behavior ignored by my detractor, I'll simply say this:

Fuck you, Miss.

Joseph Haines, signing off from The Edge of The Abyss.

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