I recently referenced the "Large Chocolate Shake To Go" person in one of my tweets and it elicited several questioning looks. It's been awhile since I told the story, so I figured I would drop it here for posterity and clarity.

Imagine, if you will, a scorchingly hot day on the USC campus. I'm just leaving Claire Bono's CS410 Compilers class and I have 10 minutes to make it across campus for my next class. I decide to make a quick stop at the Carl's Jr on campus to grab... A Large Chocolate Shake To Go.

The lines are deep, but I'm just asking for a large chocolate shake to go so it's not like my order will take a long time so I wait in line. I finally up to the front and I say:

I'd like a large chocolate shake to go.

The clerk responds slowly and says...

Would you like.... chocolate, strawberry... or vanilla?

Now I'm obviously a little startled because I just told her what I wanted. But hey, it's loud, maybe she didn't hear me properly. I'll tell her again.

I'd like a large chocolate shake to go.

The clerk responds in the slack-jawed manner we've all become accustomed to...

What size would you like?

Ok, dammit. Now this time she heard me and she's just being stupid. I refuse to play her stupid little game and so dammit I'm going to repeat my order.

I'd like a large chocolate shake to go.

and ladies and gentlemen, I SHIT YOU NOT but the clerk .... without a hint of sarcasm... merely armed with the mind-numbing stupidity that comes with a fast food job said to me:

Will that be for here?

GAH!!!!

I WANT A LARGE CHOCOLATE SHAKE TO GO!!!

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That day the concept of the Large Chocolate Shake To Go person was formed. It is a label applied to someone so epically stupid or mentally vacant either by choice or as a defense mechanism against a soul-crushing job that they cannot understand the simple request for a Large Chocolate Shake To Go.

The recent attack of the Large Chocolate Shake To Go person happened at a KFC in regards to some popcorn chicken. Part of the problem was mine, because I used the incorrect terminology for the size. It went something like this:

Me: I'd like a family size popcorn chicken.
Her: A small popcorn chicken?

Me: No, I'd like a family size popcorn chicken.
Her: Do you want the meal or just the chicken?

Me: Just the chicken.
Her: Ok, that's one small popcorn chicken.

Me: No, I'd like a family size popcorn chicken.
Her: A small size?

Me: NO, I'D LIKE THE BIGGEST ORDER OF POPCORN CHICKEN YOU HAVE.
Her: We have small, large and party size.

Me: WELL THEN GIVE ME THE PARTY SIZE.