The third week of the school is winding down, and all indications point to this being a very strange semester. I should have known that when one answer I received to the first day survey question "What do you want to learn from this course?" was "Everything you got, baby!". It's been downhill from there:

• There was the student in one of my TA's sections who visited my office to talk about the math homework. Then he started discussing his wife's health issues, being investigated by Child Protective Services, needing lawyers, being the victim of conspiracies...
• A random student looking for a math instructor asked me if he could have a dollar after I pointed him towards the math faculty offices.
• Another random student was looking for his chemistry instructor. I told him where he might find her. Then he said, "Can I ask you a question? I just started a prescription for Valium. Do you think I should go to chem lab tonight?" Um... "If you were my teacher, would you accept that as an excuse?" Um...
• One of my students got his braces off last week and showed me his retainer. He also looked at me and noted that my teeth were nice.
• I subbed for the calc-based physics class yesterday, and afterwards one of the students complimented me on my shoes and asked me where I got them. He was a boy! I'M A GIRL!!!!!

Help me.