Electric Grandmother

Maggie Croft's Personal Journal young spirit, wire-wrapped
spark electric grandmother
arc against the night

-- Lon Prater
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what it's like where I'm from...

You Know You're From Idaho When...

The wind is faster than your truck.

Every other vehicle is a 4x4.

When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat.

In March, your vehicle is 43% mud.

You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it's still there.

The elevation exceeds the population.

You've broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you.

You can see the stars at night.

People drive 200 miles to shop in a real mall.

Your great grandmother is older than the courthouse.

You got a set of snow tires for Valentines Day.

The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.

Your back yard smells like sagebrush or various animals.

A girls' basketball game fills the gym.

A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert.

You can fish, golf, and go skiing all in the same day if you try hard enough.

Yellow light means "follow the car in front of you no matter what."

Democrats are like salmon, they are on the endangered species list.

You wave to someone on the freeway because you recognize the truck.

You talk about a combine and people don't wonder what you are putting together.

In the spring, every tenth car you pass is a tractor.

Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicle's "jocky box."

You have to wait for a flock of sheep to pass you on the road.

You know why people pay money to watch "pig wrestling."

You've golfed where the hazards include wagon wheel ruts from the Oregon Trail.

You've ever received skis for Christmas, and used them Christmas morning skiing off of the roof.

You've ever flown commercially and at least once seen grazing cattle higher than the flying plane.

Anyone has ever not believed you about why there are 5 parallel stripes painted across the road at the freeway onramp.

You know what a finger steak is.

You've ever given a snow shovel or an ice scraper as a gift...and not as a joke.

You've seen snow in every month of the year.

You prefer to ski at the place it takes chains on snowtires to get to.

You have ever used the 'Above 3500 feet' directions in cooking instuctions.

You've ever checked the barometer before deciding to use the "+3500 ft" instructions.

The name "Galena Summit" makes you worry about the state of your brakes.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Idaho.

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But I'm from Southern Idaho (or Southeastern, Id), so Utah applies, too:

You Know You're From Utah When...

Green jell-o with carrots mixed in doesn't seem strange.

You can pronounce Tooele.

The U is not just a letter - Neither is the Y.

You have actually eaten funeral potatoes.

You've gotten both heat and frost burns off your car's door handle in the same month.

You are not surprised to hear words like "Darn, Fetch, Flip", "Oh, My Heck" and "Shoot".

Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.

Hunting season is a school holiday.

The largest liquor store is the state government.

You can go skiing and play golf on the same day.

30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.

Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist.

You know the difference between a 'Steak House' and a 'Stake House'.

The elevation exceeds the population

You've broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you

You can see the stars at night

You have a bumper sticker that says "Families are Forever."

You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.

Your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding.

You have more children than you can find biblical names for.

Your family considers a trip to McDonald'd a night out..

Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.

You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football.

Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday.

You drink Coke from a brown paper bag.

You consider a temple recommend a credit reference.

At least two of your salad bowls are at the homes of neighbors.

You believe that you must be 18 or older to order coffee at a restaurant.

You wonder why fire truck drivers honk when you drive 35 mph in the left lane on the freeway.

There is a similarity between a ward basketball game and the L.A. riots.

You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.

You negotiate prices at a garage sale.

You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe.

You've heard about BYU football in a testimony meeting.

You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.

Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.

A member of your family wrote in Lavell Edwards for president in the last election.

Cars in the slow lane are traveling the fastest; cars in the fast lane are traveling the slowest; cars in the middle lanes are always trying to exit.

Sandals are the best-selling shoes.

You have to ask for the uncensored version of "Titanic."

Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon.

You buy your wardrobe at the local grocery superstore.

You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school.

You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place, unless a zoo animal is running. Then they come in fourth.

You're on your own if you are turning left.

Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.

People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.

There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.

The most popular public transportation system is a ski lift.

People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery.

In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.

Beer drinkers don't shop on Sunday.

You don't have to breathe cigarette smoke until you walk outside a building.

The cost of living rises while your salary drops.

Every driveway has a minivan and a pickup truck.

When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard.

Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher.

Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction.

"Temple recommends" is acceptable identification for cashing a check.

More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.

You've never had a Mormon missionary knock on your door.

Your neighbors complain about where they live, yet refuse to return to the state they moved from.

You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception.

You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries.

Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall.

Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.

You and all your friends come to your mother for a haircut in her kitchen.

You measure Kool-Aid by parts per million.

You think "You're a 10 cow wife" is a compliment.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Utah.

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