Electric Grandmother

Maggie Croft's Personal Journal young spirit, wire-wrapped
spark electric grandmother
arc against the night

-- Lon Prater
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damn you kiernan!

Dear Caitlin R. Kiernan,

In the past, I have greatly enjoyed your writing (novels, short stories and your online journal). Through you I have discovered some beautiful stories and experiences that have changed how I think and view the world, if only for a short time.

But now you've gone and done it.

Recently you shared the story of how you and Poppy Z. Brite (damn her, too for bringing it up) used to play a game of replacing a word (or words) in the titles of a books with the word "butt".

So I've been wandering around my house, amongst my vast collection of beloved books, and no longer do I read _Grapes of Wrath_, but instead find _Butts of Wrath_. Likewise I find some of the following: _For Whom the Butt Tolls_ and _A Farewell to Butts_, _Anne of Green Butts_, and _Our Mutual Butt_.

I'm sure Stephen King will be pleased to know that I was recently flipping through _On Butts_ to look for a discussion on adverbs.

I hope the spec fic community will appreciate such classics as _Stranger in a Strange Butt_, _The Hitchiker's Guide to the Butt_, _The Butt at the End of the Universe_, _Goodbye and Thanks for all the Butts_, _I, Butt_, and, of course, _Low Red Butt_.

This is worse than when my grandmother told me that she and her sisters used to include "Between the sheets" after every line of the hymns they sung at church.

All I can say is thank God I'm not taking any literature classes!


The Electric Butt...

Er, I mean Grandmother

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