matthewmckibben


Jan. 28, 2004: Blissfully Ignorant
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Time is such an interesting topic. For most people today is just a normal day. They're going to wake up and go do what they normally do. January 28th to most people is just as signicant or insignificant as any other day. Last year it was a Tuesday, this year it's a Wednesday. The 28th is just the day between the 27th and 29th.

Over the past year I've thought a lot about how things just keep going no matter what. When something awful or wonderful happens, it usually only effects you and your immediate friends and family. Everyone else just keeps going on about their day, blissfully ignorant of anything that you may or may not be going through. And that's really the way it should be. It's just an interesting paradox that when your world feels like it's crashing down on you, most people are just living their life as they normally would be. It's very easy to fall into a trap of thinking that everything centers around you and what you're going through. When something monumental does happen to you, it's a bit earth shattering to learn that the universe doesn't center around me and my feelings.

I've also been thinking about how everyone in the world experiences earth shattering events, so that my January 28th is another person's November 30th or June 25th. And that I'm just as blissfully ignorant of their pain and suffering on those days, as they are of mine on today.

It's weird how January 28th has become a milestone of sorts. It's as if making it to this day will make the following days easier than the previous 365 days. In some ways, it is a marker of sorts. Jan. 28th was the day that started all this, and will be the day that's never the same again. But today is not much harder than yesterday was. Or that tomorrow will probably be. All that today is, is the last day that I'll be able to see "Last year at this time...." Like last year at this time, dad (and everyone) was blissfully ignorant of everything that was about to happen.

I'm coping though. I've found that the best medicine is to just think of the good times. I feel that by focusing on the positive memories I have of my dad, I'm able to send all the positive energy that I have to my dad whereever he is and in whatever form he's in now. Some days are easy, some days are not so easy. And some days, the most random memory or thought will send me into my little self-made shell. But then other thoughts will make me want to tell the world how great my dad is.

I have a lot more to say, but I'm still feeling a bit under the weather so I'm going to go ahead and quit while I'm ahead.

Talk to y'all in a bit.

Matt


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