1
Everyone in my office is sick
they cough
even when they're not compelled to
sneeze out dust
when they must
go through boxes of tissue
as if they were government issue
snort back snot
with all that they've got
despite eating oranges and Vitamin C
don't know if the virus will get to me
I guess we'll just have to wait and see


2
The world's tallest midget stands at 5' 7''
and speaks with "the midget voice"
Her car of choice is the smallest SUV that Chevrolet offers
works a job as the world's saddest circus clown
her wardrobe consists of Che Guevara t-shirts
made by the same people Che tried to liberate
and has a face only a motherless father could love

She's married to an office assistant with the CIA
He off's people with paperclip cuts
and runs a not-really lucrative, multi-dollar drug trade
selling white-out, ink toner, and dry erase markers
when assigned to do so, he kills international businessmen
and sends their remains home via UPS
he knows what BROWN can do for HIM!

they have two children who aren't really children anymore
the youngest goes to North Central Texas Community College the Harvard of the Metroplex as her parents call it
she's a sophomore majoring in Organic Agricultural Studies
the eldest is a free-thinkeur entrepeneur
a bohemiam who enjoys both Jimi Hendrix and Kenny G
and travels South America in search of vast spaces
to set up new Starbucks franchises

their favorite holiday movie is "Secret Agent 00Soul"
because their favorite actor, Billy Dee Williams, stars in it
he is the only *living* actor who's mastered bluescreen acting
and can sell the hell out of some "Colt 45 Malt Liquor"
but when their VHR is on the fritz, they play "Connect 4"
and drink organic milk brought home by daughter

one Valentines Day, their Chevrolet SUV blew up
by the world's second tallest midget
disgruntled that the CIA and Starbucks established
an organic dairy factory in his Chilean village

matt out