I recently played a round of online Tetris through a website which hosts numerous online games and activities. As I played, I found myself in the same pursed lip, sweaty palms routine that I always fall into when I'm playing Tetris. But I also realized that there are numerous types of Tetris Players. I've played my fair share of Tetris in many different styles, so I thought I'd break them down one by one. Feel free to add on to this list, if you should so choose.

The OCD Tetris Player:

This player sees life as a series of falling blocks that need careful organization through manipulation. This is the type of person that should be in charge of a moving company because no one can stack boxes and couches into a truck quite like this player. The style of play for this person is very neat and concise. They like clearing the screen of as many lines as possible, and hate, absolutely HATE when they accidentally misplace a piece over an open area. This player has a hard time entering urban areas because of the player's inability to manipulate large high rises and skyscrapers into careful little bunches. This player sees urban areas as a Tetris game on pause. This person sees falling blocks when they close their eyes.

The Zen Buddhist Tetris player:

If Zen Buddhists knew how much crap got attributed to them, they'd probably go off on a very un-Buddhist like rage. That being said, the Zen Buddhist player is very Jedi-like in how they play Tetris. The rest of the world simply washes away as they zero in on the monitor in front of them. This player, like a grasshopper jumping through a field, already has their next move planned before the falling piece has a chance to settle. This player doesn't freak out when the pieces build one on top of another like a scaffolding of bamboo. No, they simply play along, hoping that the spirit of Buddha will reincarnate an appropriate piece or two to make this vast structure simply fade away into everythingness. The Zen Buddhist sees falling blocks when they close their eyes for meditation.

The Hulk Tetris Player:

HULK SMASH! HULK PLAYER JAMS PIECES ON TOP OF ONE ANOTHER WITH THE DOWN ARROW KEY. HULK LIVES FOR TETRIS. HULK HATE IT WHEN PIECES OUT OF PLACE ON EACH OTHER, BUT DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO NOT PLAY THIS WAY, DUE TO HEAVY FINGERS. FALLING 4-SQUARE BLOCKS ARE FAVORITE PIECE. HULK SEES FALLING BLOCKS WHEN CLOSING EYES.

The Speedster Tetris Player:

This player starts their game on level five or higher. They enjoy the pure adrenaline rush that playing a fast game of Tetris brings. The long straight line is their favorite piece, because it's sleek, like them. Nothing beats a 4 line Tetris piece to clear out the board for them. This player's games are usually short, though there have been occasions where the gas doesn't run out for hours on end. This person sees falling blocks, falling VERY VERY VERY quickly when they close their eyes.

The Custodial Arts Tetris Player:

A clean floor is the name of this player's game. This person's main goal is to have as clean a Tetris board as possible. This person is actually the player who usually gets the highest score, imagine that. But this player literally loves the sight of a glistening floor, and can work with any piece of blockage you throw their way. This player sees blocks when they close their eyes, sure, but these blocks disappear rapidly.

The Procrastinator-Junkie Tetris Player:

This player's mind is elsewhere. Unlike the Zen Buddhist player that can zero in on the monitor, the Procrastinator knows good and well what they *should* be looking at on the computer screen, and it sure as hell isn't ANOTHER game of Tetris. Tetris for this person is almost like a drug. One more game and then I'll do my homework. Oh, no, I lost too easily because I was thinking more about my put-off work than I did about the game. This next one will be better, I promise. Just one more game. ONE MORE GAME!!! This person sees falling blocks when they close their eyes, as well as when they're doing homework.

matt out