Mr. Cloudy's Shelter
A Place to Listen and be Heard

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seeing depression coming

Of the many things that I hope practicing Buddhist mindfulness meditation may "do for me" (and I put it in quotes because there's a sense in the writings that to do meditation to acquire something is not to meditate - more on that some other time), it is to better see depression coming and how I contribute to it.

Now, I think some depression just comes my way, and I'm not looking to blame myself (at least not at this minute - check back in an hour), but I noticed a cloud forming on the horizon yesterday. And I pretty quickly connected some dots as I paid attention to the internal storm that was forming. I've been trying to free up some cash by selling a few things on an online selling site that lets you post stuff at no charge and pretty much just connect with people like a big garage sale of sorts. Well a few people showed interest in a larger item I had listed. I emailed them back that I was available, but I also added a disclaimer that the item was first come first served and that I wouldn't hold the tank unless I knew a person was on their way to see it, and that they'd have to put $100 down for me to empty it and prepare it for pickup (it's a 200 gallon fish tank - 7 feet long by 2 feet wide). I didn't hear back from either person, and naturally the self-doubt started to creep in. Maybe... maybe .... maybe ... And I began to feel surly and depressed. I suppose the bottom line is that sense that "I should have known better" or "I really blew it." or ...

Anyway, I'm trying to clear my mind this morning and let it be. My response to them is the way I feel comfortable handling this. If I change my mind I can change my mind, but I am trying to be up front with people and not create false impressions, and those are values of mine.

Sometimes just paying attention makes a difference.

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