Mr. Cloudy's Shelter
A Place to Listen and be Heard

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2nd guessing

I have long appreciated the Greek adage that the unexamined life is not worth living. And I ought to be writing more about the wisdom I have found through examination, but today I'm wondering if the over-examined life is also not worth living.

We have contrasting proverbs in our every day life that I've mentioned before - Look before you Leap vs. The one who hesitates is lost. Which one applies? It takes wisdom and fortune to get it right it seems.

It was always a rather dour (sp?) moment at church growing up when the preacher would read before communion: "let a man examine himself lest he partake unworthily." I mean who's worthy? To quote CCR: "It ain't me, It ain't me ..."

I've realized of late that over-examination for me in one aspect is my willingness to find such flaws in myself that I feel would prevent others from enjoying who I am and wanting to spend time with me. I imagine everyone walking away from me in the end, and always for good reason. But I realize more and more that what I'm really doing is trying to protect myself from rejection. It really isn't an examined life at all to project such rejection on other people.

Of course, it is perhaps ironic that it is perhaps through examination that I've reached this conclusion.

I think what I'm really concluding is that most of my 2nd guessing is simply about control and protection. And perhaps the greatest wisdom for me, at least at this time, is to simply be open to pain and rejection, and consequently to love and friendship as well.

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