Mr. Cloudy's Shelter
A Place to Listen and be Heard

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ugly looks

I went to church 12 days ago - first time in 18 months except for funerals.

I've a long troubled relationship with the church - my larger dysfunctional family. I'll leave that aside because I want to tell you what made me happiest on that day.

During the service I saw two young girls - sisters I suppose. One was drifting around, up and down, seemingly in her own world. Apparently she received a directive that she would have to trade places with her sister (moving her to the inside closer to daddy's watchful eye. At that moment she turned and gave her sister the ugliest glare one could hope to muster, and I giggled.

It was a moment of grace. Here I was sitting there wondering what it would be like to be myself here in a church - would I fit in, would I have to hide x, y and z, etc. And there in front of me was a witness to what it should be all about - no hiding, 100% me, take it or leave it.

I know adults have to retain a kind of civility and can't just deal with people by sticking out their tongue, but there may be something to say for just making it plain - this is who I am, this is how I feel, and maybe there's grace for me and you even if we loathe each other, at least for the moment.

So, if you hate me, just know that my tongue is sticking out, I have my hands up so my thumbs are near my ears and my fingers are wiggling. So, take that. ;^)

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