Mr. Cloudy's Shelter
A Place to Listen and be Heard

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Being Liked or Not

I spend a lot of time wanting to be liked. Most of that time is wasted. With enough doubt and skepticism you can undercut any belief that comes along (such as "I am liked.") anyway. So I can't see what to do about it except to see whether I like myself, and in what regards I do or do not, and see whether I can do anything about it, and then let the chips fall where they may.

Sounds obvious, I guess, but it is a hard u-turn to most of my life. I'm not exactly putty, easily molded by others to be what they want - I have some deep values that no one can make me compromise whether I'm liked or not. So that's not the problem. It's just that feeling of not belonging.

I expect that one of the negative but central themes of my life is the belief that someone out there can make me ok with myself - or maybe that I can let myself feel ok about myself if enough people "out there" seem to feel ok about me. So I'm looking for them for something I can only truly give to myself.

I do think that what others think matters/should be taken account of - if everyone you know thinks you are an a-hole, there's a chance you might want to look at something. At the same time, if everything thinks you are wonderful it doesn't mean you are living according to hard-earned values. So, in the end, I guess "we all have to walk our own road." But it's tough to get a move on when you believe you'll pick the wrong road. ;^)

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