OK, so I will never mention anything about a bathroom again after this post. Be brave, reader, cause this one starts out gross, but you’ll see the comedy value by the end. I just couldn’t waste this one.

Last night (this morning) at 5:30am I woke up suddenly with terrible terrible intestinal cramps. (Stay with me...) I stumbled, bent in half, to the bathroom, thinking that I was about to get rid of whatever had been hurting my stomach all day. Once I was settled comfortably in the bathroom, I began to her a loud buzzing noise in my head. I mean really really loud. Next thing I know, the room is fading to black in front of me, and all I can think is, “Oh God, please do not let anyone find me passed out on the bathroom floor with my pajamas around my ankles.” I also hadn't gone to the bathroom at all yet and that thought scared me in different and far grosser ways. I know at this point that I’m going to pass out if I don’t do anything. The buzzing is getting louder and the blackness is really filling in. So what do I do? I grab the first thing I can get my hands on, which is the current issue of Elle magazine with Evangeline Lily on the cover and I start to smash it off my forehead. At the time I was terrified, but now I can appreciate the comedy value of this and it’s just sort of a shame that no one else was there to see it. I can barely feel this, so I start to bite my lip as hard as I can. With that, the spots and stripes start to clear and I get hit with what feels like a hot flash and I find myself covered in an amazing sheen of really cold sweat. I have no idea what that was but I felt much better once I got out of there. This all happened in the space of like a minute, and it was so strange. I was really happy that I was able to laugh this morning at the image of myself, sitting on the can, whaling on my own forehead with a magazine.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?