"Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustable well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that is so deeply part of your being that you, that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps 20. And yet it all seems limitless."

-Paul Bowles, 'The Sheltering Sky'

I am so happy to be able to look back and sincerely smile as I wave goodbye. He was just the sweet little brother of the past, transformed by time, into a passionate and articulate man. The limitations of time provoked desperation to both make a connection and yet avoid any ties. Within our few encounters, though, we pretended we had all the time in the world. His body was beautiful and his passion surprised and almost overwhelmed me. (His absoutely wicked sense of humor plus stamina almost killed me.) So open and sincere, hours of talk (amazing stories and embarassing admissions) served as the best aphrodesiac. When you know something is finite (isn't it all in the end?), there's no reason not to be honest.

This was a defining moment. It was perfect for what it was. It taught me to love and appreciate things just for what they are. I love the universe.