so i went to the concert tonight. found out another friend has committed suicide about 2 years ago. i've known him since i was 13. he was married to a friend of mine from college. depression. substance abuse. you know the drill.

this is the third one i've heard of in the last 3 years. three too many. i can't even think straight. it's too mcuh.

his 12 year old son found him in the garage, gunshot to the head.

i saw my friend jill with a different guy. told my firned robin "that's not brian. that's not her husband. haven't seen her in a few years. wonder what happened" then when i saw her later and stopped her to talk to her she told me what happened.

i don't get it. maybe i do. maybe that's why it's so hurtful. i dunno. i just know that it bothers me, it depreses me, and i can't stop goin on about it. just last week i was thinking of taking katherine's bike in for him to work on. he owned a bike shop, my favorite one. he was always there with his pet rat on his shoulder and his weiner dog running around after him.

somebody please help me understand. i just don't understand how people can do this. leave the ones they love on purpose. i dont think i want to understand. yeah, i haven't seen him in a few years, but i just don't understand.