I won 72 games in a row in FreeCell. although that number is easy to manipulate, I did it fair and square. only one game could change that. if I was having trouble with a game, I'd come back to it the next day. once, the pooter shut down when the power flickered and I had a troubled game going. it shitcanned the game and didnt count it. I prolly would have won, but then again...

this streak came a few months ago, and I cannot recreate it. I can hit 25 or 30 in a row, then comes a game that slams me hard. I just hit that hard game after 27 wins this week.

I honestly believe theres no such thing as an non-winnable game. some day, Ill figger out how to win all of them and write a book.

k?

still cannot crack the writer's block I've had for a few years. maybe once a month--prolly more like every 3-I try something. 100 words, 1,000 words, whatever, and I totally loose it. what I write sucks so bad I wouldnt show it to a blind dog. I shut off Word and wait for the bug to bite again. funny, when I look at it months later, it aint all that awful...no reason for nelson demille or peter straub to be worried, but somewhat passable

not that I have to write anything. I wont die from lack of spelling, wont go into cardiac arrest from sentence withdraw. I just remember the thrill I used to feel as I made something out of nothing, the creating, the editing, the submitting, and the orgasmic feel of being published. its like whatever fever I had, that part of me that thrived in bringing people and situations to the page was never there at all. I know a lot of the rules, I know what some people like to read about, I know a lot about how to express an idea and make it understandable to most other people. I just dont know how to keep going after the first, second, fifth paragraph.

I used to make a story like such: have a raw idea. write a sentence that has nothing (or very little) to do with said idea, write til I get back to main idea. seemed to work kinda well. I mean, I was published several times, have cashed several checks [ranging from $5 to $50], and received comments all over the scale: good/bad/indifferent.

I "used" to be able. so why is it now I cannot do that? why cant I come home and sit down and write about something I'd seen earlier in the day that caused a spark? I mean, that part still exists--I see stuff all day that I know could be structured into something of a story. thats aint the problem. and like I said above, starting a story isnt too hard for me, writing a sentence doesnt kill me or strike me blind. its always that damn place in a story where it switches gears and is 'posta take off, have the reader hooked and blam, we're rolling now. thats where I stop, cant get past.

so why is it now I cannot do that?
sometimes that question bothers me. like now.

I remember during the highride when I was some sort of moderator at heavyglow or one of those places and Id post a prompt and for the life of me couldnt understand why people couldnt write a 100 word story.

I guess now I know.

shit, thats all...my two fingers hurt from all this self-searching. gonna resume my harlan coben book.
if youve read this, thanks for your time

:)