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The source of an emotional upset is one of three areas:
--Thwarted intention
--Unfulfilled expectation
--Undelivered communication

In dealing with an upset, it's crucial to identify what is going on with you. Was there an expectation you had with the situation or relationship that was unfulfilled?

Did you have an intention for your future or for your life that has been thwarted?

Were you trying to deliver a communication that clearly didn't make it?

Once you know the source within yourself for your upset, having defined it, you can deal with it better. You can't do anything with the situation "out there", but within yourself you can see what is going on.

And, having seen what the upset arises from, you can say to yourself, "it is as it is." And from that position, having cleared the confusion and reactions away, possibilities arise. There are no possibilities in an upset condition until the confusion and reactivity are cleared (notice that I did not say solved or fixed). Once there is a clearing, then you can see what are the possibilities for the future.

In my own life, a couple of years ago, I was transferred against my will and totally unexpectedly from a central position at my place of work to a regional position. I was deeply upset, half the time in tears it seemed and the other half in a raging fury.

Until I took my three points above and asked myself, "What was my unfulfilled intention.?" Hmmm... I had intended to become the manager of the software project which I had guided from the very beginning. Where I was sent *felt* like a demotion, even if I was making the same pay. Also, I was the most senior person in the position. So.

I asked myself, "What was my thwarted expectation?" I had expected to remain in the central offices, embedded in my comfort zone of relationships and networks for the rest of my career, acknowledged as the expert in my field. Our central offices had moved and I was for the first time in my entire working life in new, clean, comfortable office surroundings, where I expected to settle until I retired. Now I was being sent to a 1950"s-era "temporary" dirty, run-down housing trailer used for office space, working with people I barely knew, in tasks essentially unknown and unanticipated.

As far as I could tell, there was no undelivered communication. It was the first two elements at play.

Much to my surprise, when I identified clearly what my expectations and intentions had been and were the source of my upset, my emotions cleared, the space opened up for me to look to the future, for the possibilities there. I was sure there weren't any possibilities (but there were in fact many). It just goes to show you, I don't know everything. Some days I don't know anything. And therein lies the secret of my inner happiness. Thank you, Landmark.

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