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I've committed myself and it scares me some.

I have just refinanced my house in order to pay off all my consumer debt, much of which was incurred by other members of my family (enough of that--don't want to turn it into a racket).

What I have committed myself to is this:

I am now in the position of having to work full-time until I drop dead behind my desk, because I will not be able to afford the mortgage payments if I'm living on my retirement package plus social security.

I had hoped for a few years of doing part time work (undertaking some of the worthwhile things I've always dreamed of) which would also allow me time to write and to live at a slower pace and travel the world, or the USA at the least.

But it is not to be. I don't feel sorry for myself--after all, retirement is an invention of recent years and for millenia people worked until they wore out--but I regret the death of a dream.

Be careful what you wish for--we were poor when I was young and my childhood self yearned to be old enough to go to work to help support the family. Well, I have my wish, with a vengeance.

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