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A Discussion of Dams
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Beavers [with thanks to John Perry]

If they tried to remove the Beavers and their Dam they would first have to construct a specially Government Approved "habitat park" for the Beavers, have INS document them as not being illegal immigrants, do an Environmental Impact Report, survey the creek, contact the local water quality control district office, get approval from the local mosquito abatement board to be sure standing water will not enhance the breeding of mosquitoes…

after the demolition, call in special consultants such as Rossi O`Donald [sic], Jane Fonda, Jay Leno, and Martha Stewart (for how to properly cook [sic] and serve up the non-surviving Beavers [not to mention the required FDA inspection of the meat]), then obtain the proper demolition permits from the City and have an environmentally safe approved method of disposing of the dam as it will contain "Beaver Droppings".


They'll have to do something to assuage the easily offended over the use of the word "dam".

They better hope these are white, anglo saxon, protestant,
heterosexual beavers otherwise any number of beaver rights groups will be all over them. They'll claim the beavers are being harassed over their persuasion(s).

Squirrels, chipmunks, muskrats and assorted other animals will demand the right to build a dam. Even though they don't build dams.

The Reverend Moen [sic] will come down and demand an apology from the City of Martinez for the years of discrimination against beavers and the historical destruction of their dams. [Other shamans will be searching the City for sacred burial grounds of the beavers’ ancestors’ bones, which must remain undisturbed.]

The ACLU will file suit claiming that the beaver's [sic] dam is a form of free speech and destroying it would be violating their constitutional rights.

One or more groups will sponsor a run to support the beavers.

A number of rock and folk groups will produce a DAMAID concert.

The Minute Men (including Mococo [sic] Mike) will show up claiming the beavers are from Mexico, China or Fredonia [sic] and they should be deported.

DHS will appropriate $10,000,000 for security for the dam.


The RAF will send over specially modified planes to bomb the dam.

I'd go on but it might just get [damn] silly.


P.S. I left in the errors of spelling and grammar because these words are not my own. However, I couldn't resist noting the errors, because I'm compulsive that way.

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