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Take back the life
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Mood:
anxious, duh.
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She was working on disassembling the mechanism, subverting the triggers.
Things her brain told her that were never fair, or true, or right:
- I'm afraid to do (insert activity) because I will look stupid and people would judge me.
- I might not wake up and I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
- I will live with panic my entire life and I don't know what I'll do if I have to live that way.
- I am strong enough to foil this thinking.
- People must think I'm stupid or inept or ridiculous.
- What I do stands out and not in a good way.
- I will do something embarrassing and never recover from the shame of it.
- I'm just fat. I will always be fat and therefore unloveable and unloved.
- There must be a medical reason for my condition, and once it is discovered I will be fine.
- It's a tumor.
- I am strong enough to foil this thinking.
- Doesn't everyone feel this way from the day they are born? Really, they don't? People don't spend all their time thinking something is wrong with everything?
- My house is safe. My house is a prison.
- I will become a crazy old cat lady.
- I came out of the womb biting my nails. Childhood pictures show me with dark circles and bags under my eyes. Seriously, at age 8.
- Someone should have figured this out - who couldn't see the suffering a small child was having?
- I will become a Xanax addict.
- This won't end.
- I am strong enough to foil this thinking.
Things her body feels when panic comes over her:
- crying, but feeling stupid for crying, because why am I crying?
- tingling from head to toe
- disorientation
- pounding heart
- diskinesia / lack of physical coordination
- forgetting how to drive the car or motorcycle while driving
- bricks on the chest
- doom
- loneliness
Things she has done or is doing to take back her life:
- drives a motorcycle and takes trips alone when she can handle it
- went to Bikram Yoga this morning - hell, but worth it!
- take on leadership roles despite total fear of fucking things up
- begun the "attacking anxiety" program on CD
- cries when it comes over her
We create it. We can learn to deal with it. The journey begins.
Things her brain told her that were never fair, or true, or right:
- I'm afraid to do (insert activity) because I will look stupid and people would judge me.
- I might not wake up and I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
- I will live with panic my entire life and I don't know what I'll do if I have to live that way.
- I am strong enough to foil this thinking.
- People must think I'm stupid or inept or ridiculous.
- What I do stands out and not in a good way.
- I will do something embarrassing and never recover from the shame of it.
- I'm just fat. I will always be fat and therefore unloveable and unloved.
- There must be a medical reason for my condition, and once it is discovered I will be fine.
- It's a tumor.
- I am strong enough to foil this thinking.
- Doesn't everyone feel this way from the day they are born? Really, they don't? People don't spend all their time thinking something is wrong with everything?
- My house is safe. My house is a prison.
- I will become a crazy old cat lady.
- I came out of the womb biting my nails. Childhood pictures show me with dark circles and bags under my eyes. Seriously, at age 8.
- Someone should have figured this out - who couldn't see the suffering a small child was having?
- I will become a Xanax addict.
- This won't end.
- I am strong enough to foil this thinking.
Things her body feels when panic comes over her:
- crying, but feeling stupid for crying, because why am I crying?
- tingling from head to toe
- disorientation
- pounding heart
- diskinesia / lack of physical coordination
- forgetting how to drive the car or motorcycle while driving
- bricks on the chest
- doom
- loneliness
Things she has done or is doing to take back her life:
- drives a motorcycle and takes trips alone when she can handle it
- went to Bikram Yoga this morning - hell, but worth it!
- take on leadership roles despite total fear of fucking things up
- begun the "attacking anxiety" program on CD
- cries when it comes over her
We create it. We can learn to deal with it. The journey begins.
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