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Hello, I am YFAT or Lo. I have been writing on Journal Scape for eight years now, working on my ninth. How the time flies! This journal chronicles my random thoughts, high moments and sometimes low, throughout high school, college, and now beyond, into the world of "adulthood", whatever that means.
2010-04-01 8:19 AM
Happy April First
So...what the fork have I been doing? Living.
I turned 21. I had spring break. I have not yet been drunk. In fact I'm not really much of a fan of alcohol still and that's it. Social drinker, I can do that but so far in my limited experience with it I just want to go to sleep when I get "buzzed."
My actual birthday itself was lovely. It was gorgeous weather and I received a lot of great birthday wishes (and abundant Facebook spam). It was nice hearing from my family when they called me. It made me way ready for spring break which started the next day.
I skipped sem for the day since it was the only time I would be on campus for my birthday. It was a good day to spend in the sun anyway and remind myself of just how forking white I am, haha. I met up with my friends Nicole and Lizzy and we went out to dinner...where upon I had a sandwich that had such forceful red onion it lit up the back of my nostrils and gave me TERRIBLE epic onion breath of doom. Totally worth it though, it was a damn good sandwich.
I came back to campus and called up Tall Matt to find out where he was as I hadn't seen him all day and he was headed off to Florida at 4am.
I found him and then remembered I had REALLY bad breath and had to go to work in five minutes. I told Matt I'd work on it and raced off to the library (where I live this semester and where I am right now). My co-worker mercifully let me off but I shelved a cart of books anyway.
I went back to my room and scourged my mouth with a vigorous teeth brushing and mouth wash. I called Matt back up. Spring break farewell/birthday time was much better in its revised form.
The next day was pretty chill. I took the easiest test I have ever experienced at college so far. It took me less than an hour to complete and I was rather boogled by it. I decided to break out a pair of shorts due to the great weather but the thing with that is sweaty stickiness+wooden chair+standing up="AHHH! I think I just left my skin on that seat! Aaaah!" Ugh. It almost feels like you're ripping duct tape off the back of your thighs. A lovely feeling...
It was worth it as I ended up having an ego boost from a male friend who was pretty much rolling his tongue up. Always worth it. ;-)
Spring break I was a sleepy unproductive hermit. End of story.
I got back to campus and was like "Ugh." My semester has been going pretty well but the tiredness just hit me hard and thinking about what I still have to accomplish. Didn't help that I was PMSing and achy. Everything will get done. My energy is just low for some reason.
Monday night in self-defense class I thought I would have so much aggression to get out due to my randomly flaming emotions but instead I was just like...wet sand. I have not been with it.
The good news? I was elected as co-chair for Sex Collective, a club I have been in for three years. However the club is dying so my main mission is to revive it and try and be creative. My new fellow co-chair and I will probably be plotting for a bit of the summer on how to jump start the club. It is primarily a discussion based club but we also host the biggest dance of the entire academic year. So my lure is "Hey! Want this dance to continue? Come to Sex Collective!" We'll see if it works.
Tuesday I was still out of it. It was hilarious in my History of Epidemics class when we simulated spreading venereal disease. We had test tube things and little pipettes and had to exchange "bodily fluids" with four people...except one person, Andy, exchanged fluids with like...12 people. The professor was tracking who we had "been with" to trace the disease/see a pattern but then got to Andy. The professor was like "Andy! You didn't follow directions!" "I was just keeping it real, being the society ho." The class got quite the laugh. Today I plan on asking him how many people he has given VD since Tuesday, haha.
Gotta love epidemics.
By the time dinner came around I was on the verge of just wanting to pass out on plate or something. I had to force some food down and then just headed back to my room, Tall Matt following me up. Walking was not really an option so I said it was cuddle time instead. We just sat on my bed and talked for a bit and kind of had to "break the ice." Matt still has his quirks like not really knowing "now would be the time for you to make me feel really comfortable and put your arms around me." I am the initiator...again. This can be a bit erkson at times. But once we both completely relaxed it was a really great time. It was good just to be though my neighbors chose that night to be loud and play video games and have lady drama...so periodically through the wall "SHIT!" "AAAAAGGGGGH!" "FUCK!" Always adds to the mood. :-P When one of the guys next door yelled "HOLY FUCK!" I pondered out loud "What would a holy fuck be like?" Matt: "Surprise Jesus butt sex!" We both started laughing uncontrollably and decided we were going straight to hell. Hey I've known about myself for a while but at least I get to take his proper-Quaker-ass with me, haha.
I introduced Matt to some of my crazy voices and both disturbed and entertained him at the same time. We were talking about hair and how I really love it (I am forever touching Matt's long hair and beard), particularly the feeling of a buzz cut. So in the creepy voice I was like "I vant tu tooouch yer heeead...and den use iht tu masturbate." Both of us lost it....and then I lost even more when Matt suggested who I say it to, this guy nicknamed Cranberry who Matt works with. I was like "Noooo! I barely know him! Ahhhh!" Matt said that he won't be able to look at the guy with a straight face for a while, haha.
It was a nice time, an indulgent evening. We spent four hours together which is quite the feat for a weekday...or even a weekend. It was totally worth putting off homework and for the first time it was like "So this is what it's like to have a manfriend..." I woke up the next day smiling.
So far things have gone pretty well but I do have some serious pet peeves about him. Matt seldom ever talks during meal times which my college is the primary socialization time. He also has this tendency to just stand up abruptly when he is done with a meal and walk out, assuming I will follow him or something. The anger on my face is palpable and it doesn't exactly leave the best impression on my friends (particularly Jason who 1. is still attracted to me 2. has to often bite his tongue to begin with when things like that happen). Some days I am tempted to just mentally say "Well fuck you too, I'm not following you and you can sit alone next time." We all have our quirks but that gets annoying. Also feeling some non-lust-related affection would be nice. A surprise kiss, a random hug, a...compliment? As much of a hard ass as I can be I really like those things. It makes me feel well...wanted and appreciated. I'm not saying he is that shallow but those are the small bits of communication that can send me glowing for the rest of the day but that would be shameful to actually have to request. I am not sure if I should attempt to tactfully say something or just shrug it off as that being who he is.
Anyhoo he did the whole dining-hall-walk-out thing on me yesterday and during our evening walk I had a hard time not being overly pissed. I chose silence instead, let him talk as usual and let my mind drift as I kicked my walking pace up a notch higher than usual. It was nice out so I just let my senses absorb life. I took us on a detour to sit by the lake and Matt and I dangled our legs off the dock in silence. I just needed to kind of meditate with the sun on my face and beside me he understood that. I took a few photos with my camera and came out with two nice profiles of him. I also took a photo of the one legged goose that was eyeballing us and suspiciously, daring us to challenge it.
After finishing the walk I went up to self-defense class and was absoloutely exhausted and wished I had some of the energy of my hyper instructors. They lifted my spirits though, seeing them kicking around waiting for the class, playing with basketballs and then shooting off the Nerf guns I had in my bag. My 50+ year old instructor looked like a mischievous 12 year old and it was hilarious.
Class started and by the time we were done with rolling and falling I was just staring at them like "Please do not make me launch myself at the mat and have to get up again. Please." They laughed at my facial expression "Okay, Lois is done. She's standing there just staring at us." I did note that the one heterosexual male in the class, who assumes himself to be athletic, was trying to imitate my friend Paul and I's actions (us being the more advanced students) because he thought he could skip steps and look cool. No. Nuh uh. Just because I am launching my legs out from under me in a crazy back fall does not mean it works right off the bat...or the fact that I am doing a full standing front fall does not imply you as a beginner need to do that because you have muscle. Paul and I shifted in line so that the guy wouldn't have such an urge to show off.
We spent the rest of the class doing punching drills and I worked with Paul. Paul is amazing. I really admire him and as a partner he will make me work. We appreciate each other because I have a high pain tolerance and want to be pushed harder and therefore he can better himself. Having him in class inspires me to be better. We kept laughing and having fun every time we messed up the drills. Both of us ended unintentionally striking each other in the wicked spot on the inner forearm close to the elbow. The hit doesn't leave a mark but it definitely makes that arm very tender and of little use for a few minutes. If you train to strike there your opponent will have a fun time trying to hit you back because their arm won't want to work.
Today I have sore arms and dark orange welts because I am still working on learning to turn my arms fast enough to block with the muscle at speed.
But now it is time for real life class and doing homework the rest of the day.
Peace. Hope you enjoyed the update.
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